A Man Is NOT A Plan

Prudential - Hispanicize disclosure

How much money would you need if you found yourself without your partner’s financial support? 

When I was in high school, I saw many of my friends marry older men they weren’t even attracted to, pursue relationships with married men who had a lot of money, or marry someone they actually liked, but only after they made sure they were “a good provider.”

Influencer Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM | Prudential Ambassador at Hispanicize Texas weekend in Houston

As a young entrepreneur, I wanted to create my own future. My dad taught me the power of savings and I was able to get out of poverty, buy real estate, and have money saved so I could live comfortably even if something unforeseen would happen. 

Eventually, I got married, moved to the US, and had a couple of babies and the unconscious programming started to run: the man became my plan.  

Even eagles need a push! | Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM

It was such a subtle process that I didn’t find out how financially codependent I was and how much financial abuse I had endured until I found myself a single mom with no plan of my own. I always say “even eagles need a push” and the push of suddenly having to become my family’s sole provider was the push I needed to recognize I was capable of doing this on my own.

And I did. I raised my children alone for eight years, all while growing my small business as a mom entrepreneur

When my daughters fell in love with Taylor Bare and convinced me to go on a date with him, I agreed because he seemed loving and caring, but it never crossed my mind that he would become a provider for me, and to stop providing for my family was not an option. I love what I do and I love that I am creating a legacy for my posterity. 

Latina blogger Elayna Fernandez  and husband Taylor Bare at Hispanicize Texas in Houston

We got married and soon conceived our Baby Pige (Eliana). He lost his job, had personal debt that I was now responsible for, and didn’t have money management skills – zero, zilch, nada, nada, nada! This man was definitely not a plan! 

To make matters more challenging, I became really sick during my pregnancy and couldn’t travel or take as much work as I had in the past. Thankfully, I had no debt, I had savings, and I had empowered myself to know how money works and to make it work for me so I could keep my family fed, safe and secure:

  • Have a budget to track and analyze both your personal and business income and expenses.
  • Know exactly how much it costs to pay all your bills and to run your business each month.
  • Live below my means, but within my needs. Making decisions from what is really true for me, and not what was once true or I wish were true.
  • Have a strategic financial plan to create a foundation from which to build lasting security and family legacy.

Whether you rave or complain about your financial situation, it’s important to understand that financial security is something you purposefully create each day, as you take charge of your life and your future. As women, as moms, we are absolutely capable and qualified to this for ourselves. We don’t need to wait for a man to create wealth or to plan for a more sound financial future.

A man is not a plan - build an emergency fund

We discussed these truths during Hispanicize Texas, when I had the honor to participate as a speaker in the interactive workshop for creators and entrepreneurs, sponsored by Prudential Financial.

Prudential Interactive Workshop  - Own Your Future

I loved sharing the stage with Mario Yearwood, Financial Advisor with Prudential, Cristy Clavijo-Kish of Hispanicize Media Group, Eddie Garcia (OMG It’s Eddie G), Lili Gil Valletta, Co-founder & CEO of CIEN+ and Culturintel, and Dorinda Walker, VP of Consumer Strategy & Key Initiatives, Multicultural Marketing for Prudential. The full video is below, as captured by my beautiful daughter, Elisha of WhollyART:

My husband eventually got a J-O-B and started contributing again. With my help, he got out of debt, improved his credit, and started to grow his Web Design business. We’ve been married for almost five years and I still manage our finances, because that is something he struggles with and, though I feared I would forsake my culture for saying that I am actually more qualified to do it than he is in these matters:

  • Paying monthly bills
  • Tracking expenses
  • Producing income and loss statements
  • Filing paperwork
  • Managing investment accounts and policies
  • Maintaining financial documents up to date
  • Ranking financial priorities

Since he lost his job again, being the current sole provider for my family does not affect my peace, financial security and happiness, because I have been on the path to self-reliance all along.  Having income streams, savings, investments, and a life insurance policy are some of the reasons I am feeling comfortable in this stage of life. While some of us don’t want to think about our marriages ending or our spouse dying (women do live longer), these are not the only reasons why you needs the skills to stand on your own.

The Positive Mom and Candy Po - Hispanicize Texas

I strongly recommend that you start owning your financial future, especially if you are a mompreneur. For most of us, money was not something we were taught about, so it may feel like a daunting task. After all, we live longer, earn less, save less, and invest less in ourselves and our retirement.

Talking to a Financial Advisor is free. Your financial advisor can help demystify personal finance for you in conversation that is clear, confidential, comfortable, caring, and competent. The 5 c’s! 

Your money conversation should be clear, confidential, comfortable, caring, and competent.  Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM

There’s an African Proverb that goes: “Beware of the naked man who offers you his shirt.” Why do we often get financial advice from people who are not in an ideal financial position, and sometimes are in a significantly worse position than ours? It’s time to get real!

Beware of the naked man who offers you his shirt. African Proverb

The unexpected will happen… only time will tell when, and because life can throw you a curve, you must not put off preparing for the future, whether or not a man is in the picture. We must not procrastinate getting sound financial education, because at the end of the day, if a man is happy that he is not your plan, he is a keeper, and when you work together to manage money wisely, you will have a more joyful relationship and will build a solid future as a couple, too!

Financial literacy is caught, not taught! - Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM

All women must become empowered financially, but it is even more imperative to be on top of the money game when we are moms, because financial literacy is caught, not taught. What are your little ones catching you saying about money? What financial decisions are they catching you making? Would you be happy if your child made the same financial choices you have made?

The Positive MOM and her daughters Elisha and Elyssa of WhollyART at Hispanicize Texas in Houston

You must adopt the habits you want your children to adopt, because even if you leave a monetary legacy to them, if they do not know how to manage that wealth, they will not continue to prosper and to pass it on.

How much money would you need if you found yourself without your partner’s financial support? I invite you to learn the numbers, use the financial tools, and implement the money strategies to become a financially empowered mom.

For more tips and information on how to own your financial future, follow the conversation with #Prupárate and #HispzTX and visit Prudential.com.

Elayna Fernandez - Author - 
Speaker - Success Guide to Moms and Mompreneurs
© Elayna Fernández ~ The Positive MOM

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16 thoughts on “A Man Is NOT A Plan

  1. This is an eye opening post. I know there is always people who will tell you to live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself. That would not work for my family. Me and my husband made sure that our children will be secure in their future, no matter what happens to any or both of us. I will have to check on Prudential. It is true that it is not enough that the kids have money, it is more important that they know how they could manage it.

  2. So inspiring! I see so many young women make the mistake of relying on a man to care for them. It is so crucial to make our own paths and be able to be financially independent so we can avoid things like staying in relationships we don’t want just because we cannot support ourselves.

  3. This is great information and definitely advice women can live by. Thank you for sharing and for being a positive influence in the lives of others.

  4. Really an inspiring story. I’m financially sound and have no debt, because I saved and paid off my credit cards on time. But you are right, you should be responsible about your own financial situation and not really on a man to do it for you!

  5. There so much to learn from your experience. You are an achiever for me . Who took care of everything on her own.. hugs😊

  6. Such an inspiring article. We really need to rely on other people or do not expect our own personal needs to other. We should still stand on our own feet even though we are married.

  7. Every woman should read this post! I agree with everything in this post. As a woman, it’s important for me to go out and grind and work hard to get it on my own.

  8. This is such a good post. I love this message – it’s important to understand that financial security is something you purposefully create each day – I think women need to take responsibility for their financial needs.

  9. Great and Powerful points. No one should be dependent upon anybody else. For the very reason that you point it out, you don’t know that person will be able to provide or be there tomorrow. You must be able to survive and thrive on your own first.

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