The late Jim Rohn once said “You Can’t Hire Someone Else To Do YOUR Push Ups For YOU” and I not only agree with it, I’m going to say you can’t blame someone else because you didn’t do them. Here’s the deal:
Our daily decisions determine our direction and our destination.
We shape ourselves by commission and by omission. We could come up with 100 excuses why we did or didn’t, and we could blame our parents, our teacher, our coach… anyone else, but we are ultimately responsible for giving our own life meaning.
Your circumstances do not define you. It’s how you react to them that does. In the end, it comes down to what you DID, what you DID NOT DO, what you ALLOWED, CHANGED or DIDN’T.
I had a difficult childhood. I know poverty. I know pain. I know hunger. I have experienced all types of abuse. I have been through divorce. I have had many near-death experiences and been in a coma, I have felt alone, overwhelmed, and unsupported… and the list goes on. I’m sure you could fill up a 200 page book with what you’ve been through.
I know it’s not a made up list, or “your perception” of reality. The pain is real, and no, it doesn’t help that “other people are going through much more.” Denial is not the answer. Numbing the pain is not the answer. Blaming or complaining is not the answer.
The answer is to take full responsibility for our lives, because that allows us to step into our own personal power and to transform our circumstances.
My daughters and I were on a call with Jack Canfield last week (he endorsed my daughters’ book) and we were really blessed to learn his 7 steps to powerful life transformation:
- Think of something you want to change.
- How are you creating, continuing, or allowing it?
- What is the payoff of not changing?
- What is it costing you?
- What would you rather have?
- How could you create it?
- By which date will you do it?
I recognized the way this played into my life was through my fear of being hurt through a relationship. I will dissect it for you to illustrate how we can use these steps for clarity about your own journey:
- I did deeply inside of me crave to have a loving partnership with my eternal companion IS indeed one of my top three passions.
- I did not admit my desire nor did I consciously pursue it, but rather rejected the possibility, sabotaging my own desire.
- The payoff of not changing was a false sense of empowerment of “I can do it alone” and avoidance of the extreme pain that was linked to relationships because of my past experience. “It’s better to be alone than in bad company” and the like.
- I was not living life to its fullest, and I didn’t have the support and the connection God knew I needed.
- What I would have rather have was a deep connection with a supportive man that would serve as a great role model for my children.
- How I could create it was to start taking personal responsibility for attracting that man in my life by becoming first what I wanted in a partner, by surrendering and trusting God, and by being flexible with regards to my expectations.
- I committed to start immediately… and I did. And that takes making the right choices every day – or as often as humanly possible.
When God leads you in a direction, you must be willing to move your feet. God answers in His timing, but you must first take personal responsibility by taking charge of your own life, without shame, without blame, and without complain. You can only get where you want when you do your “push ups,” when you put in the effort, when you pay your dues, when you do your homework.
I am grateful that I decided to set my pride aside and listened, that I was able to recognize and stop the pattern. Freedom is on the other side of fear. Naturally, there are many aspects about re-marrying and trusting again that have been uncomfortable and challenging, but the blessings and the growth have surpassed any of it.
And you can use this process with any issue, any fear, in any area of life. So when you’re anxiously doing your push ups, be sure to admit your mistakes, do question your beliefs about why something is not working, and don’t look back, you’re not going that way!