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Finding Beauty In What Seems To Be Ugly

It’s the holiday season and, for many people, that means it’s time for family fun and gift giving, while for many others it’s a time when they remember they are lonely, broke, and broken.

I know, because being an immigrant and a single mom, sometimes you feel like you’re the only one in the whole universe who can’t be with family or can’t afford to buy anything for your little ones.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Star Wars Lounge Pants

One of my mottos is to collect more memories and less things, so instead of focusing on how you should spend more, it must be about how to give more with less, whether you shop online or in-store.

Finding value and affordability for those special beings on your gifting list and spending less this season can be a relief for many moms who want to give but are struggling with low income and high prices. Price is not what matters – it’s meaning!

JCPenney Holiday Challenge - give more with less

My daughters and I don’t necessarily shop for ourselves during this season because we don’t exchange presents, but we like to check out the variety of stylish and affordable fashion, home and beauty merchandise, and sometimes you do find impressive deals.

One of my favorite quotes about holiday gifting is by Oren Arnold:

Christmas gift suggestions:

To your enemy, forgiveness.

To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart.

To a customer, service.

To all, charity.

To every child, a good example.

To yourself, respect.”

There are a few items we always get, like nativities, because I collect them, and ugly Christmas sweaters, which we don’t think are ugly at all!

Ugly Christmas sweaters - Wakanda Forever

When we were finally able to each get ugly Christmas sweater, we felt it was the most amazing thing ever!

JCPenney Holiday Challenge - give more with less

Henry David Thoreau once said that “The faultfinder will find faults even in paradise,” and while that is true, sometimes, we are fault-finders because there is fault to find – and fault indeed is everywhere.

Ugly Christmas sweaters - Star Wars Stormtroopers

If you are feeling stressed, depressed, and distressed, it’s not because you’re the Scrooge of the season, but because you are honoring true and valid feelings that invade you this time of year, and that is brave, my dear mom friend.

The fault finder will find faults even in paradise - Henry David Thoreau

I think that ugly Christmas sweaters remind us that finding beauty in what seems to be ugly is really possible.

The ugly Christmas sweater has become such a trendy item in the holiday season, and one of the most popular theme for holiday parties.

Many people call them “tacky Christmas sweaters,” because they don’t like the word “ugly,” and even though you can’t deny they are sometimes ugly and always tacky, they are warm, fuzzy, and can help you express who you are.

JCPenney Holiday Challenge - give more with less

Vancouver, BC, is said to be the birthplace of the ugly Christmas sweater, because they lovingly embraced its ugliness in modern times, but people have been wearing “Jingle Bell Sweaters” since the 1950’s, and they were prominently showcased in ’80s television.

What used to be considered hideous now enjoys its own national holiday: December 18 is National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day and it is at the center of many holiday parties and celebrations.

Remember Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy’s ugly Christmas sweater in Bridget Jones’ Diary? The worldwide perception was that the more more tinsel, frills, bows, pom-pom or felt applique, the uglier the sweater. 

But just like ugly Christmas sweaters have shifted from being tacky to trendy, we can shift the way we see the ugly things we experience. But this didn’t happen in a matter of minutes, either, because appreciating the purpose of the ugly in our lives really does take reflection and effort. JCPenney Holiday Challenge - give more with less. Ugly Christmas Sweater

In the midst of grieving or suffering, the last thing we should do is be hard on ourselves, feeling guilty about “wallowing in our pain,” but it serves us to realize that acknowledging the beauty does not invalidate the pain. I’m not talking about escaping the sadness or hurt, pretending your pain doesn’t exist or it doesn’t count. Whatever you are going through that you feel is ugly, it is – period.

But what if you decided it’s a good time for finding the beauty in what seems ugly?

Perhaps you could meditate to see if this ugly experience has something to teach you.

Maybe you could reflect to other frustrating, exasperating, irritating situations that turned into something positive.

Or could there possibly be something in this experience that you could be grateful for?

Just like with the ugly Christmas sweater, we can invite the possibility that we can find beauty, peace, gratitude (and even joy), even if the thing itself doesn’t change. The ugly Christmas sweater hasn’t changed, but our view of it has.

After being through so many painful, tragic, and traumatic experiences in my life, I have found that they have helped me realize my strength, connect to and understand others who are in pain, and learn so much about myself and about life that I really ignored. Many of my struggles have turned into awakenings, because I have invited the possibility of them to be.

Possibility is not certainty. I’m not saying you will, no matter what, embrace every difficulty or loss as a teacher, but I’m saying you can work to get yourself ready to be open to this concept, not out of self-blame that you are “not positive enough,” but out of a genuine curiosity and a desire to make friends with what is. The keyword is TRUST.

Trust that life is happening for you, not to you.

Trust that even when it seems really ugly, you are loved, supported, and protected.

Trust that the essence of this trial is progress – and progress IS success.

Trust the process. I know it’s hard to do. I know there are times in which it feels impossible to do. I also know that it is doable and that YOU can do it. 

JCPenney Holiday Challenge - give more with less. Ugly Christmas Sweater

The last couple of months have been rough on me emotionally. I have felt so much anger, disappointment, and many of my traumas have been severely triggered.

It’s so hard to see past the pit of depression and despair you’re in, and you look around and it’s all ugliness and darkness. The idea of the ugly Christmas sweater brought me some peace and I wanted to make sure you felt it too!

How do you go about finding beauty in pain? Share your tips or your story in the comments below!

[ela]

Dania Santana

Saturday 13th of January 2018

It has always fascinated me how subjective beauty is. When it comes to situations in life, it is really hard to see the beauty in the midst of it, but when we take time to ponder, we can truly find beauty everywhere. Thanks for this great post!

Alexandria Vassallo

Thursday 4th of January 2018

My favorite day in school (I am a teacher at a high school) is ugly sweater day!! We hold this around Christmas and again before school gets out. Anything can be beautiful... it's all about the person wearing it.

ashley

Tuesday 2nd of January 2018

Love it!! My son found a ugly suit jacket LOL it wasnt a sweater but along the same theme. He was a hit!!

Serena hale

Tuesday 2nd of January 2018

I have never grasped onto the ugly sweater thing but you seem to have had a ball. What an unexpected thing: ugly sweater and lessons in beauty. Who would have thunk it:)

Nawal Aharrass

Tuesday 2nd of January 2018

You are so strong! Being an immigrant is not easy and being a single mom is not easy too. It's the hardest thing to do. I see my mom struggling to give us everything we need and she has my dad by her side and a good support system. Seriously kudos to you and I love the lesson given here.