Piano Misery or Virtuosity?

My daughters paint, write, dance ballet, sing, act, play the guitar, have their own art business, have been beauty pageant “queens”, and recently started playing the piano. Oh! And they also do chores!

I’m all for it. I believe that as parents, we have a responsibility to examine, recognize, and encourage our children’s gifts and contribute to cultivating their talents.

I have taken that duty very seriously – and that means a huge investment of energy, time, and money. I love that I have little authors and entrepreneurs, and it sure boosts their confidence to see their gifts manifested.

However, we are to serve as our children’s loving guides, not become torturous slave masters. Sounds like an exaggeration, and it probably is, but some parents lose sight of why they enroll their children in lessons to play an instrument, practice a sport, or follow in a direction that they may deem valuable or worthy of pursuit.

I am always cautious about this issue because I believe childhood has to be a magical time of fun, exploration, and discovery… and everyone gets only one chance!

Since we started lessons last month, the girls have been doing their piano practice from 8 to 9 in the morning. Elisha practices for 35 minutes and Elyssa for 25. I was laying down with morning sickness, listening to the lovely sounds – the baby approves, too! – and suddenly heard a tiny sob and a huge sigh.

I called Elyssa into my bedroom and had “the talk.” She started to explain how “it was all going wrong and she couldn’t get it right.”  

Don’t think that I don’t listen to my kids – I do think it’s healthy to vent and express your feelings – but I asked her to stop talking, take some deep breaths, and join me in the bed for a “little break,” promising we would talk about it in a minute or two, when she felt better. When she was calm, I asked her to listen.

I explained that pianos (and keyboards) are expensive, and so are lessons. I reminded her how limited and valuable our time is and how imperative it is that we spend it wisely.

I then proceeded to make my point: “Mommy is too smart to waste her time, energy, and money in an activity that’s going to make you sad or stress you out!”  

You see, they think I am smart, so I tend to agree with them when we are having these conversations. We’ve had these conversations many times, but I have to [want to] emphasize that the whole purpose of the lessons and practice is for them to have fun and enjoy each moment. No piano misery allowed!

They’ve proven to be talented at everything they do, and boy do I brag about it! But this is not about me or my return on investment, it is about helping them learn and grow.

It was magical to see my little one’s smile restored. It was a blessing to reassure my lovely child, that even if she took 27 years to practice that piece, she’d still be ahead of her old mom, who doesn’t play any instruments. LOL No need to rush!

I am sure some parents wonder whether signing up their child for piano lessons (guitar lessons, violin lessons, or any lessons or sports activities for that matter) is putting a lot of undue stress and pressure on them… or maybe they should just do homework and play the rest of the time, instead.

Some others may think it would be a waste of money to buy sports equipment or musical instrument when we don’t know for sure whether they will excel, become virtuosos, or award-winning child prodigies.

Other parents would go through the enrollment but would expect too much of the children, forcing them to “stick to it“, “keep up with the pace,” or “be competitive“, which is an approach that will get nothing but the opposite results anyways: the child will probably hate the sport or the instrument even if they were interested, inclined, or even talented in the first place.

There is a way to find balance in encouraging extra-curricular activities without stressing our kids out. This is achieved by first making sure they are interested and understand the commitment required, and then allowing them to learn at their own pace, enjoy themselves, and recognize virtues being developed that may not have anything to do with virtuosity (discipline, patience, confidence…) yet have everything to do with raising happy positive kids.

It’s good to recognize the Tiger Mom ways before it’s too late and to avoid our children’s misery, stress, and sense of defeat at all costs possible.

I am blessed to homeschool and find these teachable moments, but to those in public or private school, I advise always checking in to see where our children are in terms of confidence, so we may help them build it up when it gets weakened.

I must get back to homeschooling and homemaking while preparing to speak at The Complete Woman Fellowship’s Virtual Empowerment Conference tomorrow. Have a fun stress-free, weekend!

Elayna is a single mom of 4, award-winning Storyteller, Story Strategist, and Student of Pain. She’s a bestselling author, internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, and 4x TEDx speaker. Founder of the Positive MOM® and creator of the S.T.O.R.Y. System: a blueprint to craft and share powerful stories that will transform your results, so you can have the wealth, opportunities, and freedom you deserve. Connect with Elayna Fernández at thepositivemom.com/keynote-speaker and follow @thepositivemom. To receive a gift from Elayna, click HERE.

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