Throughout my life, I have learned many lessons that have become more like core mottoes in my life. A very meaningful and kind of a big deal one is:
When People Walk Away From You, Let Them Go.
You see, I used to be very
ATTACHED co-dependent. It was the kind of “loyalty” that forces you to stay in a relationship, friendship, or partnership way too long because you just must GO ALONG TO GET ALONG. Getting along, avoiding conflict, being nice… they’re all closely related to being a doormat!
The Buddhists believe that attachment is the primary human source of suffering. That makes sense, but letting go is not as simple as singing your way to the North Mountain to build an Ice Castle where you’ll live happily ever after.
Everything in life requires us to relinquish control and let go… especially this divine role of motherhood you and I have faithfully accepted. When I worked for someone else, I left my kids at daycare. Before I homeschooled, there was the first day of kindergarten; before I know it, they will go on a mission, off to college… and will get married. I get ahead of myself… but don’t we all?
I digress… just want to be clear that I have NOT yet mastered the art of letting go. I don’t think anyone can. As a Christian, I strive to keep an eternal perspective because I think pain comes when we don’t remember that all endings are also beginnings.
I have learned to rejoice in the end of relationships, friendships, and partnerships. I am not saying I break into a maniacal laugh or that I numb my feelings. It is actually more like being at peace with closing a chapter, because when it’s meant to be, it is. Having trust in a bigger plan brings peace, strength, and joy.
Letting someone go doesn’t mean you don’t care about them anymore. I recently established some boundaries with someone that showed me and my family “her true colors” and I wish her well and send her love. Trust me, it is hurtful to accept that someone who is “supposed to be grateful” simply doesn’t value you, or takes you for granted, but when we swallow our giant egos, we can focus on the facts and understand the clear message they are communicating with their actions, even when their words are vague, or even flattering with the intent to manipulate.
More than once, I have realized that walking away is actually a step forward. After I stopped focusing on how she acted, I started to experience a great deal of freedom. All of a sudden, doors opened and I now have time available to walk through them. God showed me that moving on is necessary to avoid the pain of staying stuck where I didn’t belong and what was derailing me from my true purpose. What you allow is what will continue.
Through each “break up” I have learned to never force anything. I do my best, I love generously, I speak truthfully and openly (which sometimes expedites the process), I stop holding on, and just let it be. I also learned valuable advice from one of my favorite books:
Don’t take anything personally. Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. — The Four Agreements ~ Don Miguel Ruiz.
I encourage you examine your relationships, friendships, and partnerships carefully. I guarantee you that when you finally find the courage to let go of what doesn’t serve you, it will be one of the most rewarding, most freeing practices in your life.
YOU are good enough just as you are and there’s no need to modify who you are for others’ approval or validation. Self-mastery is a great goal… and it’s achieved out of personal inner motivation. Let go, let God, and everything will fall into place!
What have you learned from letting go of friendships, relationships, and partnerships that didn’t serve you any longer?