10 Signs to Spot An Abuser

No man has “Woman Abuser” written on his forehead. It’s almost the opposite way: the abuser is charming, paints a perfect picture, and ALWAYS makes sure everyone else knows how generous, loving, and supportive he is to “his woman.”

As women, and mothers, it is our responsibility to become conscious, careful, and tactful not to end up at the mercy of these monsters.

After doing some research (and recalling some experiences of my own), I selected 10 of the many proven signs to bring awareness of who these predators are:

1. Abusers Get Attached Too Fast, want to get close and for you to “commit” to them.
2. Abusers Are Excessively Possessive: constantly checking what you are doing, who you are talking to and “checking on you” unexpectedly.
3. Abusers Expect Too Much, almost wanting for you to be perfect at everything and to meet their every need, even when it’s unreasonable.
4. Abusers Are Controlling: you have to explain what, who, where, when and ask permission!
5. Abusers Are Too Sensitive! They’re easily “hurt” or feel disrespected by little things and situations that are just part of life.
6. Abusers Isolate You. They don’t want you to go to work or anywhere else without him. They love for you to depend on them for everything.
7. Abusers Are Moody. One moment they are loving and you’re perfect for them and they’re happy and singing; the next, they are explosive and violent, for very little reason.
8. Abusers Are Too Critical. They degrade you by saying cruel and hurtful things. They make sure to point out your “mistakes” and shortcomings. They curse and call you names.
9. Abusers Love Roles. You’ll hear them say: “women are weak”, “men are strong” “men control and handle everything”, “women serve and obey.”
10. Abusers Don’t Own Their Feelings. They will say “you make me angry”, “you make me happy”, “you’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you” and always turn the blame to you or others.

It’s easier to unmask these abusers before they catch us. Because they are master manipulators and it becomes difficult to get out from under their claws.
I think this is a great checklist and one that should be kept handy so that we are not blinded by these beasts. They need serious help…and lots of prayers.

What can you add to the list?

Elayna is a single mom of 4, award-winning Storyteller, Story Strategist, and Student of Pain. She’s a bestselling author, internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, and 4x TEDx speaker. Founder of the Positive MOM® and creator of the S.T.O.R.Y. System: a blueprint to craft and share powerful stories that will transform your results, so you can have the wealth, opportunities, and freedom you deserve. Connect with Elayna Fernández at thepositivemom.com/keynote-speaker and follow @thepositivemom. To receive a gift from Elayna, click HERE.

Want to support the Positive MOM blog?

The mission of the Positive MOM blog is to help moms break trauma cycles, find peace, and feel emotionally whole, so they can practice supportive parenting and create a positive and healthy environment for their children. If you found Elayna’s content valuable, please consider donating a love offering to enable her to keep creating content and helping more moms worldwide. Donate HERE.