The Story I Never Wanted To Tell

Trigger warning: this story contains explicit details that may be triggering to survivors of sexual and/or violent crimes. Please read with care.

“Let me go! I beg you, please!”

He disregards my pleas and, ruthless and inexorable, slaps and punches me repeatedly until I’m bloody and bruised. He smiles with sick satisfaction at my pain as I continue to plead for my life.

“Please don’t do this–for the love of God please stop! Let me go, please, please, please!” You’re a warrior, my mind reassures me, just keep fighting!”

“This is all your fault!” he screams at me again and again until I’m helpless and hopeless, my four-foot-nine-inch body too tired to continue to try to fight him off.

Quickly, my mind switches gears as it becomes clear how weak and tiny I am compared to his massive body and superior strength. This is just a nightmare my desperate psyche reassures me–soon I’ll wake up and it’ll all be over

Little do I know this is just the beginning…

The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool

“The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.” ~ Stephen King

Phew, I’m just in time, I think, relieved. My study group meeting ran a bit late and I’m lucky to get to the public car stop in time. I’m living in the city now–where I hope to “make it big,” despite the struggles of navigating college, technical school, and life on my own.

Feeling even more fortunate when the driver doesn’t wait for the car to fill up–public car drivers seldom move until four people occupy the back seat and two more share the front passenger seat—I thank him.

“I’m so grateful you’re leaving now, ‘cause this way I’ll get to school on time,” I say.

He doesn’t reply, and I figure he’s simply “all business,” an unusual attitude among Dominican drivers–and people, in general. As he drives, I reach into my purse and remove two pesos. Empowered to have my own purse and money, I smile confidently as I try to hand him his fare.

He doesn’t accept my money. Suddenly, chills run down my spine and the bottom drops out of my stomach as I realize his refusal is not a generous one.

“Um, can you please stop the car so I can go back and wait for my friend?” Any excuse, just let me out, I think as panic sets in.

He drives even faster, then quickly turns down an unfamiliar road. Anxiety grips me as he parks the car on a secluded pathway and turns to face me. As he leans toward me, I offer him my purse and beg him to let me go.

“I don’t want your money,” he assures me menacingly, “but you do have something I want, and you’re going to let me have it or I’m going to have to hurt you.”

I jump for the door, but it won’t open and I don’t know how to unlock it. Before moving to the city, I’d been in a car only once and, even if I’d had a cell phone, there’s no 911 service to call.

“Be a good girl—just let me do what I want and you’ll be just fine,” he tells me.

Just. Fine.

All pain is the same - Oprah Winfrey quote

“All pain is the same.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

He tries to grab and kiss me from his front seat. I resist and he yanks me by the hair, hoists himself into the back seat with me, and begins to slap and punch me, all the while calling me nasty demeaning names.

“This is all your fault!” he yells. “Just cooperate and I won’t have to get mean!”

Praying now, both silently and out loud, that God spare me from this atrocity, I attempt to reason with this man, to calm him down—to gain his sympathy maybe, buy some time–whatever, while I figure out how to escape…

“Please, I’ll give you anything—my money—anything you want, but please don’t—you don’t want to do this, really you don’t!” I plead. Though horrified and repulsed at this nasty savage attempting to violate me, I continue to try to get him to be rational. “If you just stop for a minute and think about what you’re doing—really…” Anything I can think of to stall him while I figure out how to escape.

“Shut up!” he hisses as he hits me harder, then punches me in the head. Trapped in a car with this perverse stranger, I kick and scream, but no one can hear me. “Stop fighting me!” he commands, and begins to choke me, while detailing how–if I don’t let him do everything he wants now while I’m alive–he’ll take me to a remote spot, kill me, and do to me what he wants after my death.

Overpowered and without energy to resist, I realize I’m doomed. Still, I continue to try to fight him off—what else can I do? He laughs at me first for trying to escape, but my kicks enrage him. Furious, he beats me harder as he rips my top, wrenches my jeans down, and spews out all the awful and perverted things he intends to do to me.

Blood runs from my nose onto my lips, as my mind drifts—as if in slow motion–back to all the times I was called names and beaten as a child. As he rapes me brutally, I draw strength from a single notion that runs through my head: I survived my early years and I will survive this!

Still, I know I must fight…through it all, I continually try to marshal my energy to keep fighting back, but when I do he becomes even more violent until his threat to kill me begins to sound like it might be sweet relief…

“Now you’re asking for it,” he mumbles as he buttons himself up in a hurry and gets out of the car. He returns quickly, armed now with a baseball bat, his wicked smile meant to assure me he has an “ally” to help force me to “be nice.”

He places the key in the ignition, as I lay on the back seat paralyzed with fear. He’s angry, swearing and grunting, and continues to rave about the pleasure he’ll derive from killing me, and raping me “as many times as I want after you’re dead.”

Suddenly I notice the car won’t start and he’s become increasingly nervous. He steps outside to look under the hood, and as the fog in my head begins to dissipate, the car locks pop up.

Get out of the car—run! my mind screams, but I’m numb, lifeless, and weak. A moment later my survival instinct kicks in and I shove open the car door and stumble dizzily down the hill.

The warrior knows the value of persistence and courage. Paulo Coelho quotes

“The warrior knows the value of persistence and courage” ~ Paulo Coelho

It’s pitch black now and the cold air pierces through me as I run naked and barefoot, what’s left of my ripped shirt covered in blood. I don’t look back as I flee for my life. Suddenly I see bright lights and a person comes into my line of sight—a guachimán (watchman) guarding a gas station with a shotgun.

“What in the world?” he cries, as I run toward him screaming “help me, please somebody help me!”

He yells something into the gas station, then asks me what happened. I point up the hill, and he takes off to search for my attacker. Next thing I know, someone is covering my nakedness. An angel, a woman whose face I’ll never forget and whose name I never learned, removes her husband’s fancy jacket and asks him to drive us to the nearest police station once the attendant has filled his tank.

That’s when I learn the guachimán has captured the appalling monster who’s done this to me, and is taking him into custody…

Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy. F Scott Fitzgerald quote

“Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy.”  ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Are you sure you didn’t start this?” asks the police detective. My kidnapper has told him another version of events, saying that we know each other, that it was a sexual encounter gone too far, that I consented…and that I had enjoyed it!

Humiliating, traumatizing, and disgusting, his question is like being raped again…

After more horrible questions, my bruises and abrasions are photographed, and it’s decided I should be taken to the trauma ward at a nearby hospital. Although nice ladies clean me up and attempt to ease my physical and emotional pain, I feel dirty. No matter how much they scrub me clean, I just keep thinking I’m not clean enough.

I’m damaged…broken…worth nothing–not even God’s love. Maybe that’s why He abandoned me to begin with. Why would He let this atrocious thing happen if He cared about me?

The medical staff collects swab samples as I, legs spread wide, face my reality.

“She could be pregnant.”

“We need labs for Chlamydia, Hepatitis, and HIV.”

“Good news, darling, you don’t need any stitching.”

Emotionless, I nod in reply to everything they say, everything they ask, realizing that my bubbly, smiley, full of energy, positive self is now gone. That beast assaulted my soul as much as he did my tiny body. Here I am, after worrying during the whole ordeal that I might not live through it–but fighting relentlessly to survive–only to find now that life is not worth living after all…

What I don’t realize is that the evidentiary examination is just beginning…

Thank you for the tragedy, I need it for my art. Kurt Cobain quote

“Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.” ~ Kurt Cobain

Before I know it, I find myself in a dreary crowded courtroom. I don’t want to be part of these proceedings–with people I don’t even know–to prosecute the vile monster who’s done this to me. I just want to be left alone to attempt to heal…or die…or maybe simply disappear…

I’m told not testifying would be selfish. This man has probably preyed upon other women and surely he’ll continue if don’t stop him. While I certainly don’t wish this abominable experience on any living being, why do I have to be responsible for others? Horribly guilty for not wanting to carry the heavy burden of setting an example that rape is okay, I comply.

It infuriates me that my mom seems to be on their side. She’s stern and realistic. She wants justice. We never had a close relationship, and I don’t realize that she, too, is suffering.

Going to court becomes synonymous with going to hell. Imagine for a second what it’s like to sit there for hours, reliving every intimate detail of the most degrading experience you’ve ever had, and wanting so badly to forget. And the whole time the twisted culprit is in the room, staring at you, trying to get away with it.

Often I’m made to feel like I’m the one on trial. To them, he is not a rapist, a kidnapper, or a killer. Rather, he’s an “important person,” a “family man,” who’s dedicated his life to serving the community through his political role.

Revictimized with every suggestion that “if he did this to you, you must have asked for it,” they question me and scrutinize my behavior: Did you smile? Did you wear provocative clothing? Did you make eye contact? Why were you by yourself? Are you sure you didn’t lead him on? Are you sure you didn’t deserve it?

Appalled, I wonder do they seriously think I’d fabricate such a heinous story? Haunted daily by this nightmare, at night when I do manage to sleep, I dream about it and wake up shaking in a cold sweat.

Deeply depressed, my paranoia soars out of control. I see my attacker everywhere and in every man–and I’m intensely scared of every one of them. The flashbacks are disturbing. I hear my own screams, my own hysterical cries, my own tortured pleas in my head. The feeling of being trapped overcomes me regularly, and I crouch suddenly, close my eyes, and see him coming at me…then I cry, as I realize the enormity of what’s he’s done to me and its lasting impact.  

These vivid images eat away at my very soul, yet I’m pressured to rehash these painful memories…and to be very compelling–and exact–in my victim impact statement, since the depraved (yet “very important”) man has so much more at stake than I do. They want and need to make sure he’s the guilty party, and could care less that I feel betrayed, shamed, and insignificant.

Eventually he is convicted of kidnapping, sexual assault, and attempted murder. Still, I don’t ever feel safe. Permanently scarred, my heart is irreversibly broken.

You are the love and joy beneath the pain. ~ Eckhart Tolle quote

“You are the love and joy beneath the pain.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Turmoil, tragedy, and trauma continue to plague my life. I revisit the crime scene in my head repeatedly, and still fight the battle, still feel triggered, still feel sad. Sometimes I question myself, and always I’m filled with shame, guilt, and self-blame. It takes years before I stop feeling guarded, afraid, and empty.

I’ve hidden this story for twenty years, carrying the stigma and the pain in silence, acting like it never happened or that it didn’t affect me. I didn’t want anyone to know about my invisible wound, partly because being the girl who was abducted, raped, and almost murdered felt like a sinful identity, and partly because I feared even more disbelief, blame, and invalidation from others.

Shutting it out and pressing it down ultimately drove me to self-destructive behavior and into an unhealthy relationship involving physical abuse and sexual brutality.

I had to give myself permission to share my story with you. My healing journey has taken immeasurable courage—courage I didn’t know I possessed but that I prayed for earnestly. I am grateful to have a safe outlet in which to face my demons, process my emotions, and let my suffering go.

When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending. ~ Brené Brown quote

“When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.”  ~ Brené Brown 

If you are a survivor of date rape, stranger rape, acquaintance rape, marital rape, incest, child sexual abuse, or molestation, please know you are not alone! Please understand that what you feel is valid, legitimate, and real. Sexual abuse is criminal, unfair, and wrong. You may be shattered but–as broken as your life may feel–you are a survivor and your life is not beyond repair.

I consider myself living proof that you can still move forward with dignity and rebuild a life of joy while not downplaying or denying your experience. Healing can be a long process, but it is truly possible. Sometimes you might find, as I did, that a breakdown is necessary to provide you with a breakthrough. And as you heal, you can help others who have suffered similar wounds.

And if you have not been through such a harrowing event, please show empathy, provide validation, and become a safe place for those who have suffered. Such compassion truly makes a difference.

Elayna Fernandez - Author - 
Speaker - Success Guide to Moms and Mompreneurs
© Elayna Fernández ~ The Positive MOM

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143 thoughts on “The Story I Never Wanted To Tell

  1. There are no words to express the outrage and helplessness that reading your story have given me. Even though I knew about it, having the details of that horrific moment makes it so brutal and sad. I’m proud of your courage and your reliance; so many women need these words you’ve written and you are giving them a gift that people who haven’t experience something like this, can’t. I love you and admire your beautiful soul that has risen from struggle and pain to empower others. <3

  2. Elayna, your story made me cry. I don’t know what to say except gracias for sharing your story with us! You are an example of strength, perseverance, and faith. The world is a better place for people like you. Abrazos fuertes!

  3. What an awful, awful thing to have gone through. You are so very brave. And writing your account of it here is also a brave thing to have done. I pray this won’t have a negative affect on your life and that instead you will focus on the positive – the way you dealt with the situation should demonstrate to yourself your huge strength of character and that is truly amazing.

  4. Hola Elayna. Lei tu post con mucho pesar y se me revolvió el estómago. Cuanto siento que hayas pasado por una experiencia tan espantosa y por otro lado cuanto te admiro por tener el coraje de contarla publicamente y ser un ejemplo de valentía y superación. Además tu historia cuanto aporta a la misión para resolver los tremendos conflictos de genero que tenemos en nuestras comunidades. Gracias y mucho amor! Vos sabes cuanto te quiero!

  5. Thank you for bravery in sharing your story. Sexual assault happens to WAAAAAY too many women and we need to NOT be ashamed to talk about it. Your story will give others permission to share and know they are not alone.

  6. It takes so much courage to share this. I am so very sorry something so bad happened to one of the most amazing people I’ve met. Your sharing will empower generations to come.

  7. Elayna you inspire me endlessly! For not many have the depth of character to relay such a story, publicly. A part of me rejoices at the woman you’ve become, a part of me weeps for what’s been done to you and part of me is beyond enraged. While not downplaying of denying your experience, I would take it all away if I could, just make it so you never had to experience the very worst depravity of men. But I know i can’t so instead just know that if I could I’d give you a big teddy bear hug and tell you thank you for sharing your story. I have no doubt it will help countless women and men deal with their own experiences and not feel alone. because if you could find the courage, the real courage to share a story you never wanted to share then I, nor anyone else should honor that by not holding on to our own.

  8. Usted es la diosa del guerrero poderoso, elegido y con experiencia, más que la mayoría de las mujeres llevan contra tormento inimaginable en una era de potenciación. <<< i hope that translated right.

  9. Thanking God for the woman you have become after such a horrible experience. With this write-up you have inspired and encouraged many girls, ladies and women that have passed through this and bottled up while it eats the depth of their souls. Reading this alone is horrifying let alone experiencing it. God will heal you more and thanks once again for impacting lives. Am truly honoured and blessed to know you.

  10. Elayna, me quedo sin palabras ante la experiencia que pasaste, pero me maravillo con igual o mejor fuerzas porque eres una mujer fuerte, energética, bondadosa que brilla e ilumina el mundo donde quiera que va. Eres “empowement” concentrado y tus hijas son producto de tu toque de amor. Sabes cuánto las quiero a esas dos damitas. Eres un ser increíblemente esoecial y fuerte que admirablemente pone su experiencia para sanar y aliviar a otros que hoy se sienten en la penumbra. Gracias por ser luz para otros y poner una sonrisa en los labios de otros. Que Dios te siga bendiciendo y firtaleciéndote día a día.

  11. Thank you for sharing your story and for taking a stand for all women everywhere that are victims of abuse. You are voice. You are brave. You are healing. Sending you lots of love.

  12. Querida Elayna: eres una GRAN mujer! Eres VALIENTE y EJEMPLO para todos los seres humanos. Me siento devastada despuès de leerte y a la vez esperanzada de que el resto de la sociedad encuentre en tu escrito coraje y fuerza para evitar que este tipo de PESADILLAS sigan ocurriendo.
    Te admiro, mucho mucho…

  13. My dear friend. It takes a dauntless woman of valor to be able to share such an intimate story that, I presume, haunted you for many years. As a notorious story teller, this one is your most altruistic. You remind me of one of my favorite fictions. Mitch Albom’s, “The Five People You meet in Heaven.” It recounts the life and death of a man and the impact his existence had on the lives of five people (some of whom he never met). I believe you will be on of those five people for many souls who read this story, struggling with similar haunting demons. I truly love the fact that I know you. I hope one day, we can find a way to collaborate.

  14. Mana, you are such an incredibly strong, amazing woman and I’m so proud of you for being able to share this with us. I love you so much and I’m so very sorry this happened to you. Te quiero mucho.

  15. Wow. I’m short of words. My heart breaks for you and what you’ve endured. You are one of the strongest women I have ever known. My mother was raped. She conceived a child from the rape. Innocence is shattered. The world becomes that much scarier. Your words. I’m in shock. Wow. Just wow. I love you Elayna, thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for getting on the stand and testifying. Wow. Just wow.

  16. Querida Elayna, te escribo con lágrimas en los ojos y e corriendo por mis mejillas por mi admiración hacia tu instinto de supervivencia, tu fortaleza y cómo lograste hacer de tu vida una fuente de inspiración para miles de mujeres. No sé por qué suceden cosas tan terribles pero sin duda has logrado sobreponerte a tanto en tu corta vida. Siento que es un privilegio conocerte. Eres una persona tan bella por dentro y por fuera. Siento tanto lo que viviste pero le agradezco a D’os el tenerte con nosotros para que nos ilumines con tu luz. Te quiero mucho.

  17. Elayna, mi cielo, cuanto siento que hayas pasado por esa experiencia tan horrible. Me duele en el corazon, pero te admiro al ver que eso no logro destruir la esencia pura de tu espiritu. Que orgullosa de ver la mujer fuerte, bella por dentro y por fuera, en la que te has convertido. Sigue radiando tu luz y que Dios te bendiga <3

  18. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I pray for your healing and give thanks for who you are. You are a miracle and a ray of light to everyone that knows you. Thanks for trusting me and being a great friend. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and know that God will keep blessing you, because you have so many blessings around you… recognize them and smile positive mom!

  19. Mi querida amiga. No sabes cuánto siento que hayas tenido que pasar por esa experiencia tan horrible. Mi ojos no dejaron de llenarse de lagrimas leyendo tú historia. Te admiro tanto por tu valor y fortaleza para contarla. Eres un gran ejemplo para tus hijas bellas y para todas las que te conocemos. Gracias por compartir tu historia. Estoy segura que va a ayudar a muchas! Eres una bendición en mi vida! Rezando por tí y tú linda familia siempre! Besos! Mari

  20. Thank you for your courage and for sharing your story with us. I am sorry you had to go through that ordeal and can not believe they questioned whether you wore provocative clothes or not. Like you asked for it, how shameful of them.

  21. Thank you for sharing. May this encourage other women to come forward. May this encourage the media to do a better job of covering rape. May this be the beginning for true healing for you. This was powerful.

  22. Oh wow, this story gave me shivers! I am so sorry to hear the pain you have endured. Stay strong, you have a bold community behind you!

  23. Im so sorry you had to go through this what a vile creature! I too have been sat in the witness box reliving 10 years of child abuse so i understand all those feelings. Thank you for sharing your story something i could never do.

  24. You are so brave in sharing your story. I applaud your strength and ability to think clearly and keep fighting. I hope your honest feelings shine through and encourage other women to know they are not alone, that it’s not their fault and that their is help available.

  25. You are so strong to have the courage to share your story. It is so important to show compassion and try too help anyone who has been through this.

  26. I applaud you for your courage to share this story but most of all, I applaud you for being the strong woman that you are. I can’t believe that victims would be questioned like that in public as if the damage hasn’t been deep enough for you to feel wounded by it, emotionally and mentally.

  27. There is a horrific undercurrent running through our nation that would try to normalize and perpetuate this man’s behavior. That is unacceptable Thanks for the courage to share, because shame will always try to intimidate us into silence, when actually bringing it to the Light creates the path to healing and freedom. I’m praying for continued healing and restoration every day for you in spirit, soul, and body.

  28. I think only a very brave, courageous and strong woman could tell this story after living such a horrible experience with a monster. I congratulate you for your vulnerability and strength to speak so openly and honestly about something so deeply painful.

  29. I was really moved and at the same time inspired by your fighting spirit and courage. Remember that, however, vicious the beast in human form was, he could not touch your soul. Let time apply its soothing balm and you will be fine.

  30. Darling, I’m not sure how you managed to hit publish on this, but I am absolutely stunned by your strength.
    Thank you for being a warrior and a fighter and a survivor.
    Sending all of my love to you today.

  31. Wow. Writing about your story and letting the world know about it takes a lot of strength and courage. I am so sorry that you had to go through such an ordeal. But more importantly, I admire you for being able to rise from such tragedy.

  32. You strength is admirable and so is your bravery! I appreciate this very much, sharing your story to the world. It’s never easy to recount situations like this and it takes courage and strength. I am sorry that you had to experience such a vicious act.

  33. I had to stop several times while reading your story. I can just imagine how hard it must have been to write it. Sorry this happened to you. And I applaud your courage to write it. You don’t know how far and wide your words can travel and reach someone who needs light and encouragement and hope.

  34. Elayna, my sister has a story similar to yours. You can connect with her and have someone to talk to. Talking is important. Here’s a link to her story: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2KyaQGvy8uU. I don’t know your pain as I never was in your situation, but she might have some more resources to help you recover from this. She now works with victims and is attending graduate school for social work. I hope you can connect.

  35. I don’t think there is anything worse than rape and you are a brave woman to talk about it. I don’t know all the pain that you have gone through but I am glad that you shared it. There are many out there that are suffering in silence and this post might help them.

  36. “The warrior knows the value of persistence and courage” ~ Paulo Coelho

    It takes a lot of courage to share this story. sharing and writing about it spread the awareness . Helps others. Kudos!

  37. I am so sorry you had to go through that in your life. Everyone reading is thinking of you, and thinking of someone else too. Abuse is an awful thing to have to endure, and in such an unexpected way as this, it is even more stinging.

  38. First, I’d like to say thank you for being courageous. I am sure telling that story took a lot of strength and I appreciate you sharing it. I understand, simply because I am a victim of sexual assault as well. At first, I’d blame myself. Then again, I was 13 and he was 40+ married man who preyed on other girls just like me. Turns out that when I came forward, there were 6-7 more than had similar stories. No one believed us at first, but he slipped up with one of the girls. He got her pregnant. After he found out, he fled to another country and 3 weeks later, he was arrested by their authorities for trying to do the same thing there. I realized that it’s not until he was locked up, that I was living in fear.

    So thank you for your story and I’m happy you are able to find peace.

  39. You are brave for sharing your story. I’m not that brave. I didn’t tell a soul until it was way too late to do anything about it. Thank you for being brave, I feel like if more people share their stories, more women wouldn’t be so afraid to come forward.

  40. I am Speechless, horrified for the girl who was violated spiritually and physically and Yet I stand with you in joy for the woman you are today. An inspiration to many a shinning star. You are such a blessing Elayna. Thank you for sharing and God continue to bless you!

  41. I am so so sorry that you had to go through this whole ordeal!! You were very brave in telling your story. I pray God continues to wrap his arms around you and gives you the strength you need to carry on and share your story. Your story WILL help others! You are an inspiration!

  42. Wow. I am so sorry this happened to you. You are courageous and you are strong. It takes tremendous strength to share your story and to keeping moving forward through the pain.

  43. I am so heartbroken to know that this story is real. I understand why this is a story that you never wanted to tell but by sharing it you can help others.

  44. I’m really glad that after these awful happenings you are still going strong and enjoying your life! Thanks for sharing your story with us!

  45. This was very hard to read. I have been through similar. I know that it takes bravery to share, and even more to pick yourself back up after things like this. You are a great inspiration to a lot of people. Thank you for what you do.

  46. I so want to reach out and hug you, Elayna. I admire your courage to share your story, a horrible experience and nobody deserves to be treated that way. You are an inspiration to many women! A fighter indeed. Hugs!

  47. Eleyna, I am moved by your bravery and sending you all of my love! I, too, am a rape survivor – someone I knew in college – and it took me 20 years to reveal it. I understand. I am proud of you for speaking out, then and now. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
    xoxo

  48. It brings me so much sadness to read the horrific ordeal that you experienced. It’s beyond me why humans can not love, care, and help one another instead of hurting innocent precious lives. May God bless you and your precious family abundantly and shield you from all harm. Sending you a big hug and my prayers for your continued strength and healing.

  49. Querida, me duele el corazon saber que tu pasastes esta experiencia. I am so very sorry you went through this. Pero Dios es grande. He will bring beauty out of ashes. And surround you with light and love. Know you are not alone. Tu tienes una communidad aqui que siempre te va apoyar. ¡Abrazos Amiga!

  50. Gracias Elayna por compartir esta tremenda historia. De verdad vivi contigo esta historia momento que la estaba leyendo, a mismo tiempo me recordó historias vividas muy similares a la tuya; yo viví algo similar al tratar de venir a este país para ofrecerles una mejor vida a mis hijos siendo violaday mi dignidad untrajada por el coyote que me hiba a cruzar en ese momento y desafortunadamente violencia vivida con la pareja que más amaba, el padre de mis hijos.
    Te admiro por ser una mujer valiente y compartir esta historia con nosotros y como dice el dicho “lo que no te mata te hace más fuerte”, y estas horribles vivencias está más que comprobado que te han hecho la mujer, la guerrera incansable que eres!!
    Que Dios siga bendiciendo tu camino!!

  51. This is a great lesson on storytelling; the main point being on allowing yourself to be vulnerable in order to be completely honest and not hold back. I learned that a key for me to write stories is to practice awareness every time I’m going to write. Another area in which being intentional is key, not telling the story for the sake of telling a story, but to uncover why that is important to me and how it can be relevant to others through my experience. Three key elements: be aware, be vulnerable & speak from the heart.

  52. It was so hard reading this. I stopped at one point but I came back. I wish I had words but I don’t. You’re an amazing person for sharing this. To be a voice to those that are voiceless. Your story will help so many others. <3 Sending you some virtual hugs.

  53. Chapin I’m glad you finally told this part of you. It is the right time, I say that because since I’ve known you, this is the happiest I’ve seen you and the love, the faith, the support you get from your family defined this very moment, the moment to open your soul completely. Te quiero Chapin. Well done.

  54. I have no words. What a brave soul you are for what you went through and for sharing it with everyone. God Bless you and for your strength. You are an inspiration. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your story.

  55. This is really hard to read but worth reading, you’re so brave and amazing! I’m glad that you shared your story. Sending virtual hugs and kisses.

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  57. I am so sorry you went through this. I am inspired by your courage and the strength it took for you to share this story.

  58. Jesus there is not enough words to state how I am feeling right now, what this man did to you was absolutely disgusting and he deserves to rot for what he did to you. The fact that the people were questioning you as though it was your fault makes me so angry as well, what difference does a piece of clothing make. Well done for having the courage to share this story and I know it will help others who are maybe too scared to come forward.

  59. Thank you for sharing your story to us! It’s really inspiring. I’m so sorry it’s happened to you. But remeber god always their to protect us!

  60. I’m so sorry that you went through this horrendous experience. There are no words to even express what I am feeling, just from reading about your experience, or what I wish to convey to you. It saddens me how very many women in this country—and around the world—are assaulted, to the point where some perceive it as “normal.” You are such a strong woman for overcoming this, and such an inspiration.

  61. I’m so sorry that you had to endure this. You anguish felt through your words is has made me feel incredibly sad and angry. I cannot believe you were questioned about what you were wearing etc. The mind set of people is disgusting. You are a beautiful, strong woman and an inspiration. I know how difficult it would have been to write these words and perhaps one day I will share my own story. From one survivor to another- thankyou x

  62. I’m so sorry that you went through this. Your story had me in tears. You’re a very brave women for sharing your story with us. Very strong for overcoming this as well.

  63. You are so strong to share your story after keeping it locked away for so long. I think, as victims or survivors of these things, we lock it away to protect ourselves.

  64. It’s very brave to share such a personal and hurtful experience like being raped. It’s like reliving it all over again, but I do know, that it can empower those who are reluctant to come forward.

  65. I could never even imagine going through something like this. Your story hit me hard and I think that you are so strong for sharing it with all of us.

  66. I can’t believe they made you feel as though it was your fault. I guess it’s just something you had to overcome. I’m glad you’ve managed to turn this incident into a story about courage.

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  68. What a hard experience to share. I am praying for you and hope your story will help others who have experienced similar situations.

  69. Even though I found the Kurt Cobain image offensive, I did appreciate the fact that you told your story- just remember one thing – you are MORE than a survivor – you are an overcomer – believe it!

  70. Good intentions and a heartfelt apology goes out to you and to everyone who has lived through this. It is one of those things that should never happen, but do. I feel bad for all the people that are left damaged because of it.

  71. You are so very brave for telling your story. The real life experience that hopefully no one ever has to go thru. I am so very sorry this happened and I commend you for putting “out there”

  72. You are so brave to share your story. I can’t imagine going through an attack like this. My heart goes out to you. Sharing your story will no doubt help many other women in this world <3

  73. I just had a chill run down my spine reading your story and my heart goes to you. You’re a brave woman to come out and share the story. Too many women keep it suppressed and feel guilty n scared all their life. I wish you lots of love, strength n peace.

  74. Thank you for finding the courage to share your story. You are strong and brave and may your story be an inspiration for many other women. Wishing you love and peace!

  75. Wow, I am so very sorry that you had to go through all of this. It is still so sad that women are victimized not once, but over & over as we demand justice. Hopefully sharing our stories & supporting each other will allow us to change the world we live in.

  76. Wow, what a horrific and terrifying ordeal you went through. So brave of you to share your story in the hopes of alerting other women to the situation. Stay strong and stay safe

  77. I’m in tears now reading your story! You’ve been so brave to share your story. I wish anyone should be hanged till death for such shameful crime. I feel so sorry that we live in a world where crime against women’s exist and happens every day!

  78. You know what the saddest thing about people like them? They have their rights. A lot. I know I shouldn’t really be diving in too much into this but I’ve seen those types of men get away and I’m really sick of it when the law does that for them.

  79. You are a survivor! I have been in many a similar situation you mentioned on your last paragraph. Telling your story, sharing your “experience” for a lack of better way to say it, will help others, WILL empower others. I understand the mixed feels or bad feelings of testifying and I am sorry you were forced to do so. Yes by doing so you put him away and did probably help others but no women should be FORCED or made to feel guilted into doing so. While I do feel it is the best choice to make if the person who has been violated is not ready, or emotionally prepared, it can be like being attacked all over again. I am sorry you were made to feel you HAD to do this.
    I do believe and have experienced in my life that even the most hellish things do happen for a reason, even if that sounds cruel, even if the “reason” happens years and maybe decades later. Perhaps your story here will help someone out there through a time in their lives when they are on the ledge, ready to jump. Perhaps you HAD to go through this so this very story could be told.
    Blessings to you.

  80. I feel so bad to hear you had to go through to something as terrible as this assault. I pray that one day you can overcome the fear. By sharing yoru story with us you are helping others. I admire you as I have had the chance to meet you in person and you are such a sweet lady and alwasy happy and positive. God bless you.

  81. omyy.. you are so brave to tell the story to the public. you are so brave woman. i admire you. im so sorry that it had happened to you, i am wishing you all the good health and blessings!

  82. For a moment, I had tears forming in my eyes. I’ll not show any sympathy to you because you have the courage to stand up for yourself and I always hope you live your rest of your life happily. 🙂
    This really disgusts me how men like these get away even after doing such heinous crime/?

  83. I had to revisit this post so I can share it with my friend who is so depressed because her boyfriend left her. OMG, things can be much worse that a failed relationship. You went through hell and found your way back. Thanks again for sharing your life experience. I know it is not nice to wish evil upon anyone, but I hope your attacker’s daughter (if he has any) would not suffer the same fate as you did. Hugs!

  84. You are so brave women so so strong and you have such courage to share your story. !!! Thank you for sharing your story and for taking a stand for all women everywhere that are victims of abuse!!!!!

  85. Thank you for sharing your story so that other’s may also get strength from your words. You are a survivor! May God continue to strengthen you and bless you. Thank you again for using your experience to empower others.

  86. Oh my god, I am so so sorry that you have had to go through such a horrific situation in life. This is highly disturbing and disheartening and you are so brave to be talking about it and encouraging and inspiring other women who have been through it. More power to you!!!

    xx, Kusum | http://www.sveeteskapes.com

  87. My heart is aching for you right now. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Words cannot really express what I felt after reading this. I do know that God loves you. I pray that you find healing from the horrific ordeal.

  88. Thank you for sharing. <3 I know from experience that it's anything but easy. Reading through this felt like reading my own story. So many of us go through it and are terrified to do anything to get justice because it's so emotionally draining, like being abused and attacked all over again with different weapons.

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