3 Ways To Raise Your Standards and Improve Your Life

Sometimes we feel like we’ve been putting up with a situation for way too long, yet we settle, allow, and stay, without any apparent hope of getting out. It is frustrating and it seems to make no sense.

Who would ever dream of or knowingly set low standards, settle for average, and build a stagnant life?

We wouldn’t, yet we often sabotage our deepest desires to become what God created us to be and accept far less than we deserve.


how to raise your standards and improve your life

I will dare say that whatever you are experiencing today, right now, is a direct result of your standards, whether set consciously or unconsciously  

Your standards represent what you will put up with and what you won’t, what you tolerate, what you allow to happen in your life. Your personal set of standards helps you determine what is acceptable and what is unacceptable in your life.

In order to improve your results in life is to raise the standards you hold for yourself ~ and others (boundaries). 

In Romans 12:2, we read “And be not CONFORMED to this world: but be ye TRANSFORMED by the RENEWING of your mind.”

As moms, we are often times encouraged to conform to what everyone expects of us, or we risk being ridiculed, bullied, attacked, accused, rejected, questioned, cast out, criticized, isolated, and put on the spotlight. Becoming an exception takes courage. A great deal of it.

I homeschool, I’m vegan, I don’t drink alcohol or coffee, I don’t watch movies that are rated R or display low-vibration scenes, I don’t listen to songs with explicit lyrics – or conventional radio-, I excuse myself from places, conversations, and relationships where I feel uncomfortable, I don’t watch TV… this is an extremely shy list, too. 

It may seem that my choices are slimming, but I’ve learned the simple lesson that LESS IS MORE… and it is SO worth it, as there’s much at stake. Saying NO is a skill that we must all develop in order to live a life we love.

3 Ways To Raise Your Standards and Improve The Quality Of Your Life!

When we raise our standards and live by them, we can improve the quality of our relationship with ourselves and others, therefore, we improve the quality of our life.

Identify your frustrations. ~ The first step to know what our standards will be is self-awareness. Understanding what you don’t want, will show you by contrast what you do want, and allows you to make a deliberate choice to never allow that into your consciousness. I love this quote by Anthony Robbins:

“I wrote down all of the things that I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things I aspired to becoming” ~ Anthony Robbins, Awaken The Giant Within, Chapter 1 

I remember doing this when I attended UPW (Unleash the Power Within). I had often said to myself “I am done,” but I had never actually written those statements down as a declaration.

A simple exercise to help guide you in the right direction is to write the following statement in a blank sheet of paper:

“From this day forward, I will no longer tolerate_____”

Center yourself and then in visceral and novela-dramatic language, describe what frustrates you, irritates you, hurts you, bothers you, makes you angry, pushes your buttons… Write down the worst that could happen if you don’t stop allowing it into your life, tolerating it, settling, and engaging in it.

It seems so simple, yet it is so powerful. The list I made helped me take personal responsibility for creating the relationship my soul needed. I stopped blaming the men in my past, and understanding what I engaged in and what I allowed to happen. 

Having this awareness was necessary to make a better choice the next time around, while understanding that I made the choices I thought were best with the skills I had in the past.


Get Clear about your top passions and core values: by creating a deliciously compelling vision of what you want in your life. What will a life you love look like? What will you experience as a result of drawing a line in the sand? How will these outcome make your life better?

Each goal you set for yourself or for your children, needs to be supported by a standard, or it just won’t be reached. Instead of setting a standard for who you are right now, try doing it based on what God says about you, and start acting like that person.

Renew Your Mind: Once we are clear about what we won’t allow, engage in, or tolerate, as well as what we truly desire to see manifested in our lives, we must evaluate the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that are holding us back, so we can remove the blocks that sabotage our happiness.

I had to learn to love myself before I could learn to receive love from others. I had to forgive my mother before I was able to let go of abusive patterns in my life. I had to reprogram myself and shift my paradigms in order to create a new lifestyle. Some of the moms I mentor have had to redefine their relationship with food, with their partner, with their kids, or with their work. It’s a long journey, yet one that is worth walking.

I know, with 100% conviction, that YOU deserve a GRAND life to share with your children. Every time you feel the need to explain yourself or compromise who you are becoming, remember that with your example, you can help your little ones develop an identity that is congruent with God’s will for them.

As I navigate life with high standards in place, it helps to recognize I’m imperfect, and it is part of the plan. Step by step, I’m on the journey to enhance our life experience together, because I know, the higher our standards, and the stronger our commitment to honor them, the happier our life will be together, and beyond. Yippee!

What are some of the standards you’ve decided to hold yourself to? I’d love to hear more in the comments section below.

Elayna Fernandez - Author - 
Speaker - Success Guide to Moms and Mompreneurs
© Elayna Fernández ~ The Positive MOM

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26 thoughts on “3 Ways To Raise Your Standards and Improve Your Life

  1. Beautifully written. I belong to the inspired conference group. I focus on childhood messages.After I fixed the damage in me I had two goals. One was to help others who suffered as I had from negative childhood messages, and to give my children what my father couldn’t give me, A SAFE PLACE TO SHARE MY FEELINGS WHATEVER THEY MIGHT BE. If you have 3 minutes view my you tube. http://bit.ly/1g04oK4

  2. That first initiative is compelling! I am going to spend some time this weekend doing just that. Right now I am taking an 11 day Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer on my blog which is both powerful and centering, and these 3 initiatives fit right in with the goal of this challenge.

  3. Wow…you are one very disciplined woman…I get why you probably don’t drink coffee, but I’m curious…do you drink cocoa? I’ve grown up on these types of drinks (it’s like a family thing – a pot of coffee and afternoon cookies over the weekend while the kids play) ever since I could remember as a child. I only ate the cookies, but it’s one of my childhood memories.

    Anyways, after reading your post, I feel motivated to think about and set some goals that I can focus on for the future (and the rest of this year). I only had one since the start of the New Year that I did very well with, but have let take a backseat only recently.

    Have a great day!

    • I am so excited about your feedback and to know that you are motivated! YAY! I love hot chocolate and I just recently shared about how it is part of my history (used to get cocoa from the tree at grandma’s farm in the Dominican Republic and make chocolate – it took days!) and I love that my daughter loves to make it for me. I also drink herbal tea, a tradition from my grandpa who was a natural healer. Coffee – caffeine in general – alters our mind and our spirit…As a rule of thumb made up by me: if you need it to “be happy” or to “function well” or to “cope with stuff”, then it’s slavery and dependency. I am all about freedom. I am humbled by your compliment and I receive it. Discipline has a played a big part in my success; as a matter of fact, is the 5th principle of my 5 principles to be successful. Big hug!

  4. Thank you so much for this. I too love reading this and yes it is important to remember that with our great examples, we are also helping raise our children to be the best they can be. It is also important to focus on enhancing myself to be a better me, to be a better person, wife and a mom. As it says; We are the captain of our own ship and we get to decide the direction we want to go in our life. These are some important things to remember upon.

  5. A favorite teacher used to say: Draw your line in the sand and don’t cross it. It’s important to know what we want and focus on those things.. it’s different for everyone and that is what makes the world richer. I’m glad I stopped by your blog. Keep up the good work. 🙂

  6. I know that it’s so important to know who you are and to be confident, be yourself, respect yourself, and all the points you’ve made.

    Love Anthony Robbins!

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  14. 4. I love the idea of setting standards in life. I have stablished many standards in many areas, some of them in parenting (i.e. don´t tell nor allow others to say negative descriptive words to my kids, not to give them everything they want eventhough I have the resources to, etc); and in my relationship with my husband. However, I need to review them in order to get all standards I need to accomplish my goals, and definitely I´ll be using your exercise for so.

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