I’ve been doing this motherhood thing for over 2 decades, and most of it on my own, so you might think I’ve got it figured out. That couldn’t be further from the truth, and with Eliana turning 13 in just a few weeks and Elydia growing up in a digital era, I constantly deal with situations and have questions that didn’t even exist when my 23- and 22-year-old daughters were growing up.
The online environment today is different not only from my own youth but also from when their older sisters were growing up, since I started my blog over 21 years ago.
It can feel scary, overwhelming, and puzzling to navigate everything that comes with this stage of their development and preserve our relationships with them, all while learning ever-evolving platform settings to try to keep them safe.
It’s never too early to prepare and learn, so that’s why I am so grateful that, last week, I was invited by Meta to the Instagram Screen Smart event in Dallas, a series designed to bring parents and leading parenting experts together to discuss the importance of teen well-being online and to learn from each other.
It was a fun gathering with some of the top influencers in the Dallas-Fort Worth area to teach us about the tools and resources they have developed to support families and protect teens online.
I learned about Meta’s commitment to supporting parents and teenagers in navigating social media together, along with practical tips and insights to ensure young people have positive, safe experiences on its apps when they’re old enough to use them (13 and older only).
I’m sharing some of what I learned with you, so brace yourself because it is mind-blowing!
How can Parents Protect Teens Online?
As parents, we all have child safety concerns, worry about the potential dangers of social media, want to learn about restrictions on sensitive content and stricter privacy settings, and wonder whether we are allowing excessive screen time and social media use.
At the Screen Smart event, we heard from Kira Wong O’Connor, Head of Youth Safety Policy at Meta, who has worked on safety policy for over 15 years. She said that “as parents and professionals, we don’t have all the answers,” and we need each other’s perspectives and insights. “We follow the research and consult process,” she said, and this means that at Meta, they consult with third-party experts and professionals on a range of topics, such as online safety, privacy, media literacy, wellness, and social and emotional health, to inform their work.
Instagram knows parents want to feel confident that their teens can use social media to connect with friends and explore their interests without worrying about unsafe or inappropriate experiences.
Their research has found 3 top concerns from parents, which, to me, revealed the keys to teen protection and parent peace of mind that every positive mom needs to be aware of:
1-Contact:
Who is my teen talking to on private messages? Shielding teen users from unwanted contact is essential to keep them safe.
2-Time:
How long is my teen connected, and is my teen’s time being used well online? As parents, we must set time limits on screen time that are brain-science-approved and allow for healthy development.
3- Content:
What content is my teen seeing on social media? We want to make sure our teen’s accounts have sensitive content restrictions so that what these younger users see and consume is age-appropriate.
But how do we manage all of this?!
Thankfully, Instagram Teen Accounts are automatically enabled for users aged 13-17 and already have all the safeguards we need. Yes, this happens automatically when they join!
We don’t have to lift a finger, mamas!
(Cue the sigh of relief and a newfound wave of confidence!)
What are Instagram Teen Accounts?
Kira Wong O’Connor described Instagram Teen Accounts as “her third child” and as “an experience is designed to better support parents, providing more protection for teens and peace of mind for parents.”
Instagram Teen Accounts are for teens ages 13-17, and, upon sign-up, teens on Instagram are automatically placed in Teen Accounts, which have built-in limits on who can contact them and the content they see, and more ways to connect and explore their interests. With Instagram Teen Accounts, parent permission is required if teen Instagram users under 16 want to change any of these settings to be less strict.
Instagram implements age verification, ID check, and signals that help them provide a protected experience for teens. As she said, “They’re still getting the Instagram account we know and love, but in a safer way. It’s extra helpful for younger adolescents to have restrictive teen accounts.”
Instagram introduced Teen Accounts in 2024, and hundreds of millions of teens have used them across Instagram, Facebook, and Messenger, with 97% of teens aged 13 to 15 staying within these built-in restrictions. They work!
7 Reasons to LOVE Instagram Teen Accounts
Since Instagram’s goal is to help address parents’ concerns, let’s go through everything we need to know as parents about the new Instagram Teen Accounts. These are the 7 default protective settings I love most:
1- Content filtering:
The Teen Accounts content setting will automatically be set to 13+, and teens under 18 will need their parents’ permission to change it. Instagram aligned its content settings with what teens would see in a 13+-appropriate film or television show. This content approach, based on movie-rating criteria and parent feedback, is applied across Instagram, including recommendations, the feed, stories, comments, DMs, search, and even Instagram’s AI features.
2- Private accounts:
Instagram’s Teen Accounts are set to private and require teens to accept new followers. People who don’t follow them can’t see their content or interact with them. Instagram Teen Accounts default to Meta’s strictest messaging settings, so teens can only be messaged by people they follow or are already connected to.
3- Limited interactions:
Teens can only be tagged or mentioned by people they follow. Instagram also automatically turns on the most restrictive version of its anti-bullying feature, Hidden Words, so that offensive words and phrases will be filtered out of teens’ comments and direct message requests. As an additional layer of protection, teens cannot follow accounts that share anything in their profile, name, or vibe that suggests they post 18+ content.
4- Time limit reminders:
Teens will get notifications telling them to leave the app after 60 minutes each day. As Kira Wong O’Connor said:
“This means they are spending less time on Instagram, but we’re okay with that – it’s the right thing to do, and it gives them a safe, age-appropriate Instagram experience.”
5- Sleep mode enabled:
Sleep mode will be turned on between 10 PM and 7 AM, which will mute notifications overnight and send auto-replies to direct messages. We talked a lot during the event about the adolescent brain (the teen brain), and the increased need for sleep in the teenage years, so this is golden!
6- Restrictions on going Live:
Teens will be automatically restricted from using the Instagram Live feature.
7- Limits on unwanted images in DMs:
Teens will be automatically placed in our nudity protection feature, which blurs suspected nude images in DMs and warns teens of the risks in sending them.
Did you feel a greater sense of peace overcome you as you read these? We usually get a “to-do list,” not a “you don’t have to do any of this” list!
Instagram provides easy ways to manage our teens’ experience so that we, as parents, can feel reassured that our teens are having safe experiences – without having to set anything up ourselves.
And because Instagram is aware that all families are different, they also offer a new, stricter setting for parents who prefer a more restrictive experience for their teen. This setting is called “Limited Content.”
5 Parenting Hacks from the Instagram Screen Smart Event
Because safety tools are really only one part of the conversation about raising teens, the conversation at the Screen Smart Event went way beyond security features, saving our teens from potential threats, inappropriate content, or inappropriate contact.
We also discussed the mental health crisis, body image issues, puberty, suicide, and self-injury (SSI), and other challenges teens go through today, when their presence online, specifically on Instagram, is a big part of their overall life.
At the Screen Smart event, we had the honor of hearing from Dr. Cara Natterson, who is a leading voice in puberty and adolescent health. A pediatrician, speaker, and the co-host of the This Is So Awkward podcast, she’s the doctor behind 10 books!
Interviewed by Claudine Cazian, Head of Strategic Partnerships at Instagram and Meta, Dr. Natterson shared embarrassing parenting moments, the worst and best parenting advice she’s ever received, and shared her advice to live by when raising teens in a digital era.
They validated that talking to teens about online safety is delicate and shared some tips to help us approach social media safety differently and more honestly.
Here are my top 5:
“It’s the law!”
Dr. Natterson said there is no developmentally appropriate age for a child to be “ready for social media.” Her advice? “Use the law! You have the law on your side!” Before they’re 13, you get to say, “It’s not me, it’s not allowed.” When your child says all their friends are on the apps, you can say, in the least judgmental way, “Well, I am your parent, and my rule is to follow the law.”
“It’s how Instagram works!”
When your child turns 13, Instagram will automatically place teens into Teen Accounts, instantly at sign-up. We can tell our child that Instagram has done extensive research that shows that teens benefit from parental guidance and these parental supervision tools (just like traffic laws or how training wheels work).
“Let’s make a plan!”
Dr. Natterson shared that in order to set children and teens up for success when having the online safety conversation, we want to plan with them, not without them. “The most beautiful thing that happens when, as parents, we involve our kids in planning is that it gives us an opportunity to explain WHY.”
When kids and teens understand why, they can get on board and apply this reasoning and these strategies in other settings when they face challenges after they leave your home.
Dr. Natterson also shared that “kids who physically set their own screen time limits feel very emboldened and are far more likely to follow through with the plan.”
This resonated with me because I have proven it to be true not only in this setting, but also in anything else, like when they help plant vegetables, then help chop them, then help in the food preparation, and then have no issues eating vegetables. Try it!
“I got it wrong!”
I loved it when Dr. Natterson assured the whole room:
“You will mess up and make the wrong choice for your child.”
Ain’t that the truth?
So much grace in that statement.
She advised:
“Own it, and take a do-over.”
A lot of the examples she shared concerned screen time:
“We all have a different sense as to what the right amount of screen time is – varies with age, stage, and birth order, but less is more. The data is clear: our kids thrive when they move, they learn new things, they take risks, they enjoy physical play, spend time outdoors, and engage with people.”
And as we try to set screen time limits, Dr. Natterson said there’s an invisible switch that gets flipped at a consistent time for a particular child. You can notice it by seeing when they start becoming “not themselves.” You can gauge it by what their body and their brain are telling you.
As we look at how screen time is impacting our teens, we can model that it’s fine to fail, owning up to the mistake:
“I thought you were ready for this, and we tried it, but we both know it’s not working. I got this way wrong!”
YES!!! Accountability is so powerful in parenting!
“It’s like a prefrontal cortex.”
Dr. Natterson shared that children and teens love learning about brain science. We can use science to explain why content controls and parental permission are necessary. “It’s not because no one trusts you, but it’s to keep you safe as your brain develops. We can talk about the prefrontal cortex, which will not be fully developed until they are almost 30. Their limbic system – the highly emotional brain, is ruling their life experiences for almost 2 decades!
They have executive functioning, but they can’t access it first, so these tools act like a prefrontal cortex to prevent them from making a highly emotional decision they can regret. Instagram actually surveyed older teens and young adults and found that they support these age restrictions, saying, “I wish I had a teen’s account when I was younger.”
“Let’s try this microchange!”
Microchanges are small adjustments that make all the difference, and that you can practice as a whole family to enjoy digital well-being.
Some of my favorites were:
1. Car rides are for conversation. Having device-free car-rides – except for controlling the playlist!
2. The Phone Bowl. Having a bowl at the entrance of the home where all family members and guests leave their phones, and access to and use them only in this area for a device-free rest of the home.
3. No devices in the bedroom. Even when we are charging a device, or it’s set to silent, it prevents us from getting the rest we need because the brain stays alert, attuned to try to listen for notifications. Yikes!
In addition to these and so many more eye-opening tips about boundaries, agency, and consent, we had parent-to-parent talks about navigating social media with teens and our struggles with modeling healthy social media practices, or as Dr. Natterson calls it, “following our own advice.” So true!
And last, but not least, we learned about the Meta Family Center, a one-stop shop where parents can learn how to help young users have a positive experience on social media platforms.
What is the Meta Family Center?
Meta’s Family Center is a single place where a parent can manage and supervise teens’ activity and experiences across Instagram, Meta Horizon, Facebook, and Messenger. A parent doesn’t need to have all Meta accounts to access parental supervision tools in the Family Center. No need to jump between different apps and settings.
A parent can send a single invitation and supervise their teen accounts from different Meta apps. At the Meta Family Center, parents learn new insights into how Instagram’s algorithm works for their teens and the topics that shape it.
As you enroll in parental supervision, the Meta’s Family Center resources hub allows you to stay informed and learn how to have crucial and meaningful conversations, as well as get practical, research-based tips and resources to encourage healthy digital habits for families.
You can see:
- how much time your teen spent on the app
- your teen’s followers
- who your teen follows
- who your teen reported
- alerts of SSI-related (suicide and self-injury) content that your teen searched
- and more!
WOW!
A big THANK YOU to Instagram and Meta for allowing me to be part of this event right here in Dallas, and for all they’re doing to help us be more intentional, involved, and intelligent as we parent in a digital age! I’m so grateful to our hosts and speakers, Ed Patterson, Kira Wong O’Connor, Claudine Cazian, and Dr. Cara Natterson, for sharing their insights and wisdom so generously with all of us!
If you are a parent and want to further help your teen manage their new safety settings, work with them to set up supervision, and learn more about Instagram’s tools and resources for parents, including Instagram Teen Accounts, visit meta.me/screensmart.
What safety features on Instagram’s new teen accounts are you most excited about? Share with us in the comments below.
Founder of the Positive MOM® and creator of the S.T.O.R.Y. System: a blueprint to craft and share powerful stories that will transform your results and help others do the same. Dr. Elayna Fernández is a single mom of 4, an award-winning Storyteller, Story Strategist, and Student of Pain. She’s a bestselling author, internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, and 5x TEDx speaker. She has spoken at the United Nations, received the President’s Volunteer Lifetime Achievement Award, and was selected as one of the Top Impactful Leaders and a Woman of Influence by SUCCESS Magazine. Connect with Elayna at thepositivemom.com/ef and follow @thepositivemom. To receive a gift from Elayna, click HERE.
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