I don’t know one mom who can tell me confidently that she’s doing a good job, even though I know she’s amazing.
Most moms can’t even accept a compliment without first saying why they’re failing at motherhood. They feel inadequate and unqualified, and wish they could do more for their children. Is that you?
If you feel like you’re not enough, it may be because you, like every other mom, aspire to be the best mom in the world to your children.
Unfortunately, the standards to be a good mom have increased tremendously in the past decades, so if you’ve conformed to the unrealistic job description of supermom, you may be second-guessing just how fit you are for the position.
Snide comments, judgment, questioning, competing, comparing, and mom-shaming don’t help. There are so many experts and non-experts dishing out parenting advice that you don’t know what to believe anymore.
To top it off, every time your child is behind or makes a destructive or harmful choice, you think “maybe I should have done something differently,” “maybe I didn’t do enough,” or even “maybe I did too much.”
Not only you blame yourself for their behavior, you also struggle with setting boundaries for them and establishing consequences for what they did or failed to do.
Before I teach you how to be the best mom ever, let me just say that being a mom is not easy, and does require intentionality, but it’s not as hard as you may think!
Let’s explore 5 guaranteed ways.
#1 ~ If your children trust you, you’re the best mom ever.
Children need security to thrive, so changing your mind based on what others say or “may think” is not the best for them.
Reading books, attending workshops, and learning from more seasoned moms offline and offline is all useful, but don’t fall in the trap of not listening to your own intuition.
I always heard that it takes a village to raise a child and that moms need a sisterhood.
I was a single mom for 8 years with Elisha and Elyssa and during that time no one in my family had visas to travel to come see me and my daughters, my best friend came to visit twice, and I didn’t have anyone else.
But I know I wasn’t alone. I always say that motherhood is a partnership with God, and I relied on that partnership in times of decision-making.
As you pause, ponder, and pray, you will get answers as to what is best for your child to be healthy and safe, because you are your child’s mother on purpose!
As you trust God and trust yourself, your children will trust that you are doing your best and consider you the best mom ever!
#2 ~ If your children know you love them, you’re the best mom ever!
Feeling deeply loved, important, and genuinely cared for is one of the most essential human needs and every mom loves her child.
It took me a while to come to terms with this truth, and knowing how I felt my entire childhood led me to discover the issue: not every child knows it.
As you strive to express your love to your child, you will be the best mom ever.
Love can be expressed as words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, or quality time. What is important for a child may be irrelevant to the other.
I suggest that you learn each of your children’s love language, so you can become fluent in all and demonstrate your love effectively.
Establishing boundaries will help our kids know we have their best interests at heart.
#3 ~ If you are flawed, you’re the best mom ever.
So many moms today are losing their sanity and are exhausted from trying to be a supermom and striving for perfection.
The reality is that real moms aren’t perfect and perfect moms aren’t real. Your child knows that. Real moms get stressed, lose their patience, and yes, sometimes they say or do foolish things.
The great news is that children don’t expect or even want a perfect mom.
Children are resilient and it’s healthy to learn they live in a world where people are flawed (including mom) and unpleasant things happen.
Guilt is a feeling that helps us know when we’re not aligned with what God wants us to be, but not a feeling we need to dwell on. If you apologize to your child, you’re the best mom ever.
I accidentally found a formula to help my children understand my ignorance, irrationality, and insanity. I identify what was going on inside of me that led me to act in that way and I let them know. It usually sounds like this:
“I said/did that because I was worried, I was worried because I was scared, I was scared because I love you.”
I am happy I’ve learned to trace my mistakes back to fear, because both they and I know I wasn’t just trying to be mean and it has helped them learn to trace their mistakes back to their own fears.
We are always going to come up short when we compare with a perfect ideal, because we can’t ever be that and it’s a figment of our imagination.
Knowing that you don’t have to answer to anyone else other than your child is quite liberating and will free up energy, time, and valuable resources to be better at what you really want to do.
#4 ~ If your children feel supported, you’re the best mom ever.
There’s a very damaging misconception that moms are responsible for a child’s happiness.
It seems like it would be nice if we could snap our fingers and ‘voila’ – all of our child’s problems are gone! But that wouldn’t be as blissful as we think.
Motherhood is about guidance and support, not about making our children happy and protecting them from everything that may take a smile off of their faces.
When my daughter was bullied in school, I felt like the world was falling apart.
I suffered seeing her cry and it broke me to see her believe the mean words those kids told her about herself.
Rather than wishing for a time machine or a magic pill, I decided to see that vulnerable event as an opportunity to support her, guide her, and help her heal.
That experience led to so many tender moments and to her publishing her bestselling book I Love ME! with her sister, to help other children with positive principles about self-esteem.
Whether they are going for a dream or going through a failure, our job as moms is to stand by them and offer support, respecting whether they take you upon it or not.
We must allow our kids to fail and allow them to learn from their mistakes and figure out what to do about them.
Though we wouldn’t wish these moments on them, they are precious opportunities to offer them the assurance that they can turn to you, your empathy, your patience, your comfort, and your forgiveness.
Though many times you may be unable to help your child heal, whether that’s physically, emotionally, and spiritually, your ability to help them navigate through these challenges, your warm embrace and your encouraging words can go a long way.
Supporting your child when they are doing something you don’t support may just be the hardest test, but respect, patience, and acceptance are key components of unconditional love.
I’ve learned that there’s a fine line between guiding my children and wanting to change them.
They are who they are and we must shed any expectations we may have about who they’re supposed to be and what their path should be like.
Listen to your children, believe in them, support their ideas, be involved in their interests, encourage them to find and live their dreams, and to pursue their endeavors, and you’ll simply be the best mom ever.
#5 ~ If you’re creating meaningful memories with your kids, you’re the best mom ever.
One thing that I love about coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have control and that I can’t do everything right all the time, it’s that I can just relax and not try to take myself so seriously.
Children enjoy the simple things in life and they love it when mom is spontaneous, flexible, and even silly.
Motherhood has helped me learn how to have a bit more fun, bend the rules, and turn the boring and mundane into magic.
If we let them, and we give ourselves permission to learn, children will teach us about perspective.
I’ve been more mindful about my time and energy and, rather than wasting it in self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-punishment, I’ve used it to be more present and create more moments of joy, meaning, and laughter.
Besides creating meaningful moments with your children, I recommend that you take time for yourself and to pursue your own purpose outside of motherhood.
When you focus solely on your kids, you rob them of learning opportunities and they grow to believe everything revolves around them. Plus, you know you could use a break.
You still want to know how to become the best mom ever? Here’s how: release the cape, stop being your own worst critic, and embrace the truth that you already are the best mom for your child.
You don’t have to be perfect or perfectly consistent, just do your best and that’ll be enough.
Take a deep breath and say “I’m the best mom ever.” You may not fully believe it, but if your child does, let’s face it, it’s not about how you feel or whatever high bar someone else has set for motherhood, it’s all about that child you’re raising.
My biggest achievement is to know that my daughters think I’m the best mom ever. Ironically, I am a better mom when I choose to believe them!
What makes YOU the best mom ever? Ask your child and post it on a comment below! Happy Mother’s Day my darling!
© Elayna Fernández ~ The Positive MOM
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