I think by now you’ve figured out you can’t do it all alone. I can’t either. No one can. It’s a reality you must come to terms with, and you must also learn to ask for help, because the truth is, asking for help makes you a more positive mom. Of course, you know this already, but it’s hard.
I still struggle with asking for help, even though I know that asking for help empowers moms. I’m still not comfortable asking for help and even less comfortable receiving the help I accept. Deep inside myself, I judge myself harshly when I think about asking for help and I’ve realized that the main reason is that I feel triggered because my inner bully tells me I should be independent, self-sufficient, self-reliant… and that asking for help is proof that I am not enough and that I can’t do anything right. That’s a wound that hurts a lot when it gets poked.
For many moms, the fear of looking like they don’t have it all together is terrifying. Some may call it pride or stubbornness, but it’s really a fear of being vulnerable in exposing what they perceived as their flawed nature.
For other moms, the fear of imposing, the fear of looking needy, or the fear of appearing too weak gets in the way. It’s not that we are too prideful to admit that we need help, it’s that we feel fundamentally flawed because we feel we don’t measure up to the impossible standards the world has set for moms today. It’s fear of judgment, fear of rejection, and shame.
Supermoms don’t exist; we are all human moms. No one can do it all, all the time, so all moms must learn when and how to ask for help, even when it may be the scariest thing you’ll ever do.
As beautiful as motherhood can be, it is also exhausting and it can also get messy and chaotic. It takes a toll on you – emotionally, mentally, physically, and even spiritually, and it is healthy to enroll others to help.
In order to stay mentally sane and be the best mom you can be, it is essential to ask for help and take help when it’s offered. We must stop trying to do everything alone – because it always ends up badly.
I had an experience with this when my MacBook Pro was pretty much fried last year. I had been thinking about going to Best Buy and utilize the Best Buy Total Tech Support powered by Geek Squad, but I kept trying to do it all myself.
Rather than investing in their Computing- Basic data transfer & data back up, I accepted the wrong help (a story for another time), lost all my picture and all my information, including presentations I’ve had to recreate and books and training programs I’ve had to rewrite. These services, along with computer setup, computer tune up, virus removal, and 1 year of internet security software are all included with Total Tech Support membership, and though it’s not too late for me to take advantage of it from now on, it’s a little late indeed – if you know what I mean.
If you’re like me and you are passionate about the latest technologies, it’s wonderful to have help setting up, maintaining and servicing them throughout the year for one low price.
Best Buy’s Total Tech Support is a membership dedicated to supporting all the tech in your home, and here’s the amazing value you can enjoy:
- 24/7 tech support (us in-store, over the phone, or chat/remote online), no matter when or where you bought your tech
- Only $49.99 on in-home services
- 20% off Geek Squad Protection & AppleCare Products
- Many included services including virus removal, connected car installation, and data transfer
- 20% off repairs and advanced services
- Internet security software included
I recently mounted my flat-screen TV and next up, I will be using the Total Tech Support membership Connected Car services, to install in-dash navigation. It also includes in-dash stereo install, speaker install, remote start or keyless entry install, and amp install.
I know that many times we don’t really know where to go for help. Sometimes, our isolation is self-imposed, but sometimes it is involuntary.
I remember when I became a single mom in 2004 and I felt like I was all alone in the world – and it was mostly true. I needed so much help and I like to think that I would have welcomed it with open arms, but the more I think about it, the less I believe that to be actually true.
I would have probably told myself that I needed to be strong, to tough it out, to suck it up. I know because that’s what I do, whether help is or isn’t offered. And while you may be thinking that is what a positive mom does: she overcomes, she adopts a no-excuses mindset, she moves forward against all odds, the truth is that a positive mom also reaches out to ask for help when she needs it most.
I will confess that it felt empowering to move and assemble furniture on my own, to be my own “handyman,” to feel like I was the Proverbs 31 mom who does it all and looks good doing it, but what is truly empowering is to know you can do it and yet allow others to help when they want to and they can.
I can tell myself “I’ve got this,” “I can do this,” or like He-Man of old time, “I have the power,” and then I can take a deep breath and release the pressure, assuring myself that asking for help or receiving help doesn’t make me a bad mom. Allowing others to help doesn’t mean that I am not capable, it simply means that I have support.
Just because I could do it all, doesn’t mean I should do it all.
And I’m sure you’ve heard already how you’re robbing others the joy to minister to you, to fulfill their life’s purpose, to receive the blessings they would earn for helping the needy, because the needy is you. Yeah, it is a sweet sentiment and all, but that’s the last thing you want to hear when you already feel like a horrible mom.
What I want you to know is that you are exactly who you need to be right now. I want you to know you’re not alone. I want you to know that no other mom has the how-to guide or the motherhood manual. I want you to know that you’re doing
all you can more than you can and something’s gotta give sometimes. I want you to know you don’t have to ask for help if you don’t want to, but you do deserve it. You deserve compassion, support, and love.
When you do ask for help, give yourself grace. Release the embarrassment, the guilt, and the urge to pay back right away. When I woke up from my eight-day coma, I relied on my brother to help me with brushing my teeth, sponge bathing, and even changing my menstrual pad, and that’s when I learned that being helpless doesn’t mean being worthless, even though we’ve been fed that lie for ages.
Your performance and your worth are not equal, proportionate, or even related. Understanding this simple, yet powerful truth, has helped me accept help a bit less reluctantly and a bit more graciously. It has helped me choose to feel grateful, rather than to feel ashamed. It has helped me feel whole and cared for, rather than broken and damaged.
Asking for help is self-care. Asking for help is good for your soul. Asking for help is exercising your bold courage. Asking for help makes you a more positive mom.
Asking for help has helped me become a healthy example to my daughters. I want them to know it’s okay to ask for help, that it’s healthy to trust others, that it’s necessary to give yourself permission to not be perfect, that life can get overwhelming, and that there is no one on the face of the Earth who has ever done it absolutely alone, and that’s the beauty of grace.
Whether I read a book to discover the mysteries of motherhood, ask others for their advice or expertise, ask my daughters to help with laundry and dishes, or simply ask a friend to listen when I vent or to say something encouraging when I’m depressed, life is so much better when I know there are people who are willing to help out.
I just recently told my friend Tania how she helped me while I my husband and I were first separated. While I really trust her and I felt comfortable sharing how his addiction and dishonesty had hurt me, I did never take her up on her offer to talk over the phone. It turns out, I didn’t even need a phone conversation, because the assurance that I could just call her was enough. I’m so grateful for her!
And as I cry happy tears because of her kindness, I’m reminded of the courage that it must have taken for her, and for Marshall, and for Mitch, and for Trent, to ask difficult questions, to talk difficult topics, and to drop what the important activities of their day, just to be there for a friend. When we focus on that, it gets easier to accept help, because help is a manifestation of love.
I am a positive mom because I could probably do it all by myself, but I choose not to when there are people who love me and are willing to help out. I discover and communicate my needs as a mom, and embrace my humanity without apologies.
I wasn’t endowed with epic secret super powers when I became a mom, and though some instincts kicked in, not everything has come naturally. I guess that’s why they say it takes a village to raise a child… and perhaps that means it takes several villages to raise several children.
Do you have a hard time asking for help? Share your experience in the comments below and make sure you join the #TotalTechSupport conversation online and follow @BestBuy and @GeekSquad.
How To Prevent Being Hacked By Your Husband When You're Separating
Wednesday 29th of July 2020
[…] was so grateful for my husband and for all of the people that helped make that happen. I published the article and could move forward running ads and affiliate links, […]
Wednesday 31st of July 2019
YES to all of this. It's very difficult for me to ask for help - or to ask for anything, for that matter. I know that I need to start practicing this skill now so that my life can be much more manageable when I'm older. It's much better to prioritize what we truly need and want to do, and leave the rest to people you can depend on.
Monday 22nd of July 2019
Elayna; Wow, this post really resonated with me. Not only do I not ask for help, but I also resent when people don't realize I need help. (Double whammy). I need to let go of pride. The pride that says "I can do it all." Thanks for sharing and for convicting me of this dangerous thought process.
Sunday 21st of July 2019
It’s such a learning process for me to ask for help. I feel like I am being weak or acting helpless when I ask for assistance. I know that in reality asking for help is a way of showing strength. I consistently try to be more open to help and not bear everything on my own.
What Are The Most Important Words In Business? ★ Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM ♥
Sunday 21st of July 2019
[…] achieve their goals, master a skill, or follow their passion simply because they fail to ask for help. The fear of rejection, “looking stupid,” or appearing to be “lost” or […]