What Every Mom Needs From Her Family

The pregnancy test is positive and your world changes. Everything you do now revolves around the creature that is growing in your womb. Your body changes in ways you never imagined and your heart enlarges in a way you never thought would be possible. Each week brings a world of wonder and discoveries about this new being that you’re hosting, nurturing, and preparing the world for.

With arms wide open, you welcome this precious baby into the world. Everyone is in awe. You must fulfill each and every of the baby’s needs – all day long, all week round. You’re acutely aware that in wonderful ways and in ways that terrify you, life will simply never be the same. 

And the more children you have, the more you understand all you’re capable of doing and all you’re capable of loving. This is what God must be like – loving children that are so differently with the very same endless love.

With the belief that being a good mom means to compromise, sacrifice, accommodate, and set aside your needs, you forget yourself, get lost in motherhood, and make it your life’s mission to make your child happy – saying YES to everything and everyone, all while trying to satisfy all the demands you had before motherhood, and at the same level of excellence.

All of a sudden, you start wrestling with depression, disappointment, and depletion. You feel like a failure because you can’t make anyone happy and you feel frustrated, alone, and very very very very very tired. 

Besides forsaking the lie of super-motherhood that sets you up to feel like you’re not enough, you must learn to meet your needs and understand that your job as a mom is not to make your family or your kids happy, but to create an environment that allows them to be happy. In other words, your child’s happiness is not your creation, but a byproduct of who you are. 

Now for the hard truth, if who you are is cranky, down on yourself, and exhausted, you won’t have much success in facilitating a fun, nurturing, and empowering environment for them.

What every mom needs from her family

In addition, any relationship is only going to be healthy to the extent that the people involved are getting what they need.

But what does a mom need from her family?

Do you get what you need?

Do you know what you need?

It’s paramount that you know what you need in all areas of your life. This is when self-discovery is essential. And I know we’ve been taught to believe that having needs is a synonym of weakness, and that getting your needs met is a sign of selfishness

This mindset almost cost me my life, because I was so afraid I was going to be perceived or to feel like a bad mom, like a selfish mom, that I neglected my wellbeing and treated myself poorly.

Changing your beliefs about needs and upgrading our mindset to feel that they are natural and healthy, rather than wrong and selfish, may be a daunting task, but it is possible, and you will love the results.

I believe there are three steps that can truly empower you to succeed once you realize your needs are important:

  • Spend some time in self-reflection to discover your deepest needs
  • Make your needs known and understood
  • Take responsibility for getting your needs met

What Every Mom Needs From Her Family

There are needs that are common to every human, to every woman, to every mom. They are broken into five categories: emotional needs, physical needs, spiritual needs, social needs, and needs of security. 

Mom’s Emotional Needs

  • As a mom you need to feel and to hear that you are loved
  • As a mom you need to feel, and be told, that you are valued for who you are
  • As a mom you need to to feel respected as an individual
  • As a mom you need to feel needed for other than what you do for your family
  • As a mom you need to feel that your dreams and goals are a priority
  • As a mom you need to feel your kids and partner are proud of you
  • As a mom you need to need to feel accepted and forgiven
  • As a mom you need to appreciated for who and what you are and do

Mom’s Physical Needs

  • As a mom you need to be hugged, held, and kissed
  •  As a mom you need to to be treated with tenderness
  • As a mom you need the opportunity to nourish, groom, and move your body

Mom’s Spiritual Needs

  • As a mom you need to know and feel that your individual spiritual beliefs are respected and supported without judgment.
  • As a mom you need freedom to express and exercise your spiritual values.
  • As a mom you need time to connect with yourself and your Creator so you can feel grounded and alive.

Mom’s Social Needs

  • As a mom you need acknowledgment and the feeling that you are special among others
  • As a mom you need to feel included, and a sense of belonging to a group
  • As a mom you need to feel encouraged, supported, and treated with regard in social situations
  • As a mom you need to experience joy, fun, and laughter in a social setting
  • As a mom you need to feel understood, connected, and validated by people other than your kids and partner

Mom’s Security Needs

  • As a mom you need to feel supported you in times of distress, hardship, or conflict
  • As a mom you need to know someone is willing to provide physical or financial aid
  • As a mom you need to know your boundaries will be respected
  • As a mom you need to feel you have someone with loyalty and commitment to be there for you
  • As a mom you need to feel you are safe from danger or harm

Going through this list is a good place to start consulting your intuition about which of these are the most meaningful to you, how they show up in your own life, and specifics about how much, when, how often you require these things.

Are most or many of your needs unmet? I assure you you’re not alone. I know the feeling so well and I still don’t think I’ve felt like all my needs are being met – and I think that’s how life works. It’s all a balancing act: when you have it all together in one area, you feel like you’re sorely lacking in the other.

Perfection is not the goal. Perfection is unattainable and progress is success. The goal is that you feel supported, that you feel at peace, that you know you matter. It’s time to take yourself off the bottom of your to-do list share with us how you will do it in the comments below!

Elayna Fernandez - Author - 
Speaker - Success Guide to Moms and Mompreneurs
© Elayna Fernández ~ The Positive MOM

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25 thoughts on “What Every Mom Needs From Her Family

  1. This resonates with me so much! I didn’t realize that this is what I needed to do when I was a new mom- and that led to a lot of post partum depression. A lot of time our partners don’t know what we are feeling, and it can be scary to tell them. But- I’ve found that spending a bit of time for myself each day actually makes me a better mom. Great advice, Elayna!

  2. A mother really needs a lot of things and caring that she deserves from her family the way she takes care of family needs, especially the pregnant mom. We should be sensitive to our mother’s feeling because she is the only one that can give us unconditional love that we needed the most.

  3. I think the thing I need as a mom is for my family to know that I have needs! Sometimes I feel I am being taken advantage of, just because they see me everyday doing chores, working to earn a living, and cooking their meals does not mean I can do everything and anything.

  4. I can only imagine how hard it must be for moms to balance their needs with the needs of their families, but it’s so important! I can see your list being a really helpful starting point for moms who need some self-care.

  5. Great post. Moms need to take care of themselves first, just like they say on airplanes. Motherhood is the toughest job in the world and we all need to give ourselves – and each other – a break.

  6. I have been struggling with this lately. I keep putting my needs second and worry about everyone else and make them happy, losing myself a little at a time.

  7. These are all so true. It’s not easy to deal with pregnancy and everything else in your life without a family that supports you in all aspects, especially your emotional needs.

  8. These are definitely true. They can’t get lost in the shuffle especially with teenagers in the home but eventually they grow up and it all turns back around.

  9. This is definitely a good post for all the moms out there. I don’t think I need all these…I simply want to be appreciated. Thanks for sharing!

  10. I agree with your list. Every time I ask my Mom what she wants she always say nothing. I wanted to give her things but she always refuses. I know she needs me more thank things. She needs those hugs, kisses, support, love.

  11. Great list! I should do this more often to my mom. She doesn’t want material things, but still I would like her to have them. I want her to feel loved all the time.

  12. This all advices are all we need when we become a new mom. Sometimes is so difficult ask for them that we lose enjoy the magic of being pregnant and have a new life in our womb. Here we have an space where we can being listened and understood. I appreciate all you share with us Elayna. Thank you!

  13. Being a mom must be hardest job I the world. I dont have kids but I hope to one day – it must be so hard to juggle life and take care of yourself at the same time!

  14. I neglected myself for a few years. A lot of things were happening and I just kept pushing my needs to the bottom. A couple of years ago I realized I couldn’t go like that anymore and started taking better care of myself, my nutrition and my exercise routine. I still don’t have all of my needs met, but I feel empowered by the improvement those changes have made in my life.

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