I know this is an unpopular opinion, but winter is a season for rest, not reinvention. And yet, every single year, like clockwork, January 1st comes carrying a heavy load of expectations – and anxiety.
It’s all over your favorite social media platform: motivational quotes and declarations of new year’s resolutions. Whether it’s gym memberships and weight loss plans (don’t get me started on that – ugh), a big income increase, or the search for a new relationship, people put pressure on themselves with SMART goals for the next year.
The “new year, new me” energy promises a fresh start.
We’re told that the start of a new year is the right time to finally become a better version of ourselves.
But have you ever stopped to think that maybe that’s the wrong way to go about it?
If it were right, why do most New Year’s resolutions fail?
Ahhh yes – they tell us that the problem is our lack of motivation or discipline. It’s the “Just do it” mentality that teaches us that if we’re not successful, maybe there’s something wrong with us.
If New Year’s resolutions have left you feeling discouraged, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.
Today, we’re going to explore why it may be time to stop making New Year’s resolutions altogether, what winter is meant for, and how meaningful change actually happens over the long term. Oh – and in a way that is gentle to your nervous system, because I don’t want you to have it any other way!
The Pressure of January 1st and the Myth of the Fresh Start
The idea of New Year’s resolutions is deeply embedded in our society. In my culture, we would burn leaves and clean up on December 31st (New Year’s Eve), and wear new clothes on January 1st.
New Year’s Day is framed as a clean slate. You’re supposed to start showing up as someone different – different habits, different goals, different routines, and even different beliefs.
The media really capitalizes on these self-improvement goals because they go really well with the Christmas consumerism.
Psychologists refer to this as the fresh start effect—the belief that a specific date creates a psychological reset. The “I’ll start Monday” trap, right?
While the fresh start effect can feel motivating and it’s based on great intentions, research shows it often leads to unrealistic goals and short-lived enthusiasm.
Research summarized by the Knowledge at Wharton highlights that, according to studies from the University of Scranton published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, only about 8% of people who make New Year’s resolutions succeed in keeping them long term — even though most start out enthusiastic at the beginning of the year
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail So Often
There are many reasons why New Year’s Resolutions fail – and the reason is NEVER that you’re broken. It means the system is.
1- Unrealistic Goals and the Upper Limit Problem
Many New Year’s resolutions focus on big leaps: drastic changes and the complete elimination of bad habits overnight. These unrealistic goals often trigger what psychologists call the upper limit problem: a sense that success feels unsafe or unsustainable. The upper limit problem causes us to subconsciously sabotage ourselves.
Setting bigger goals without addressing old habits, emotional needs, or physical health creates internal resistance. Your inner critic gets louder, feelings of failure set in, and motivation evaporates.
2- Lack of Time Frame and Flexibility
Resolutions often lack a realistic time frame. Because SMART goals are supposed to be time-bound, people expect real change in record time, ignoring that meaningful change is a long process. When progress isn’t immediate, or it seems that we won’t hit the target date, the inner narrative shifts from hope to shame.
This cycle is especially harmful for mental health, leading to anxiety, burnout, and chronic stress.
As a mom with littles, a business to run, and no support system, I am already exhausted and don’t get enough sleep. I don’t plan to add to my plate simply because a man-created calendar said so.
3- Winter Is Not the Season for Big Goals
If you look at winter – with its low temperatures, shorter days, longer nights, and the danger of ice on the roads, it would only make sense to slow down.
Although meteorologically, my birthday falls in winter, I am more of a summer fan: warmth and light, both literal and metaphorical. Makes sense, right?
And I know I’m not alone in experiencing SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) on top of my regular mental health struggles. SAD affects circadian rhythms, with symptoms including low energy, sadness, and irritability.
But there’s more to winter than blizzards and freezing rain, and it goes beyond winter sports and outdoor adventure.
Plants are dormant, with trees not producing new leaves, and animals are hibernating to conserve energy and migrating to places of comfort, teaching us the lesson of stillness, rest, patience, and strength. Winter calls us to retreat inward, not to push outward.
Winter is a time for introspection, planning future growth, releasing, simplifying, and purifying. It’s a time to gain clarity and certainty, especially after loss. If you think about it, that’s what the winter holidays are actually about.
And yet we humans do not tune in to the rhythm of nature. We expect ourselves to do the opposite: rush, hustle, produce, control, and achieve. Forcing this pattern can harm our mental and emotional health, and clearly, it doesn’t really work.
In January, we’re in the thick of winter, and we honor nature’s timing and the need for taking time to pause and reflect, rather than working on yearly goals.
What Research and Experts Say
According to reporting from Forbes Health, people’s intentions around New Year’s Resolutions tend to fade quickly — with only a small percentage of resolvers maintaining their goals for more than a few months — suggesting that tying self-improvement to January 1st isn’t inherently more effective than setting goals at other times of the year
James Clear, author of the bestselling book Atomic Habits, emphasizes that lasting change comes from small steps, not dramatic overhauls. New habits form through consistency, not intensity.
A small change and a shift have a much higher chance of success than a big leap in the long run.
These goals are not inherently bad. But when they’re disconnected from your own life, values, and season, they become another source of pressure.
For different people, growth looks different, and it makes sense that their timing might look different, too. Goals tied to January 1st and the beginning of the year are less effective than goals set during periods of higher energy and clarity.
Resolution Culture vs Real Change
New Year’s resolution culture doesn’t work, but focusing on achievable goals that take into consideration your values, purpose, and emotional health does. Think:
- Small, compassionate steps
- New behavior introduced gently and built gradually
- Accountability partners who offer support, not shame
Real change is not about January 1st or December 31st, or whether it’s the last day or the start of the year. Meaningful, lasting change is about alignment over the long run.
When you stop forcing New Year’s resolutions and start honoring seasons, your chances of success increase. Your mental health improves. Your relationship with your own life becomes kinder.
That’s not failure – or giving up on yourself. That’s wisdom.
And the good news is that you can definitely build your dreams with a trauma-informed approach.
What to Do Instead of New Year’s Resolutions
Here’s a gentler, more effective alternative to approach the wintertime :
1. Reflect Before You Set Goals
Take the winter months to prepare the soil. You don’t need to do a false reset or manufacture a new beginning with new goals.
- Give yourself permission to listen to your body’s wise whispers; to release, reflect, and recover.
- Ask what truly mattered last year. What drained you? What nourished you?
- Seek clarity now: What would you love to birth when spring comes?
2. Reframe Rest as Self-Improvement
It’s okay to defy the unnatural way in which we organize ourselves, the Gregorian calendar, and follow the untraditional path. Resting at the end of the year and the beginning of the upcoming year is a great way to practice personal growth.
Choosing rest as a radical act of self-improvement is about showing up with compassion, aligning with your true self, and following your intuition even when progress might seem slow. I always say, “Progress is success.”
3. Honor the right timing
Spring or early summer often offers more energy for new habits, a new routine, and bigger goals. As you strengthen yourself emotionally and spiritually, you are choosing to build not only at the right time, but also in the right way. This approach will bring ease, inner peace, and a better overall quality of life.
What New Year’s Resolutions haven’t worked for you? What are you trying this time around? Share the positive changes you are working on with us below.
Founder of the Positive MOM® and creator of the S.T.O.R.Y. System: a blueprint to craft and share powerful stories that will transform your results and help others do the same. Dr. Elayna Fernández is a single mom of 4, an award-winning Storyteller, Story Strategist, and Student of Pain. She’s a bestselling author, internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, and 5x TEDx speaker. She has spoken at the United Nations, received the President’s Volunteer Lifetime Achievement Award, and was selected as one of the Top Impactful Leaders and a Woman of Influence by SUCCESS Magazine. Connect with Elayna at thepositivemom.com/ef and follow @thepositivemom. To receive a gift from Elayna, click HERE.
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